A buddy of mine and his wife had a baby boy on Mother’s Day (just a few days ago – that’s him up there!). He’s a little, five-pound beauty that just melts you. I’m a big baby guy, and my wife is crazy about babies, so we enjoyed just hanging out with them and passing the kid back and forth, watching him sleep or groggily stare at the weird people who were holding him.

We’ve been married for more than six months, so now is the time when everybody and their brother pounces on us and asks the same question:

“So when are you guys going to start having kids?”

Before we were married, my wife and I made sure we were on the same page when it came to kids. The last thing you want is to be stuck in a marriage where you disagree about when/if you’re having children. We settled on two years, feeling that we would want time to get used to each other and enjoy being married before adding kids to the mix. We made up our minds, and even though we are tempted from time to time, we know it’s a smart decision and one that both of us can be happy with.

But you know, that doesn’t matter to other people. And they’re usually just trying to be cute or funny when they do it, but there’s a grain of truth behind their badgering. Just like when you are dating for a while and they start asking, “So when are you guys going to get married?”, bugging couples about kids is just what people who have kids do, because they are anxious to see someone else go through the experience.

And it’s not that we dread the idea – we’re looking forward to what having kids will do for us and the opportunity to raise a family. But we know we’re not ready for it yet.

The importance of making up your own mind

It amazes me how often people make decisions based on what other people think. I used to do it all the time. You start in school, when you pick what to wear based on what others are wearing, and what music to listen to based on what everybody else is listening to. You see the same movies and the same TV shows, because you just want to fit in with everybody else.

But some of us don’t grow out of that. We keep making decisions based on what we think we’re “supposed” to do, instead of what we really want to do. People that do that are destined to just repeat history, so to speak.

There’s nothing wrong with being logical

It’s very easy to judge actions based on emotions. Some of the people who have kids and are pushing us to have kids didn’t plan on getting pregnant when they did. So they just assume that it’s going to happen to everybody. They figure, “Why bother trying to have any control over your life if it’s just going to spiral out of control anyway?” You can see this attitude in their approach to having kids, managing their money, or pursuing their careers.

The truth is, you have much more control than you think. When you are making life decisions, you can certainly sit down and be logical about it – working on facts instead of looking at your emotions.

For example, if you are deciding when to have children, you should sit down and look at your age, how many kids you want to have, your goals for your marriage, and what you want to do over the next few years. My wife and I did that, and that’s how we approached our baby-making decision. This is the same approach you should have for any big decision: where to live, where to go in your career, managing/improving your health, and your money management.

Life will throw you curveballs

Being logical also means understanding that not everything will go according to plan. A married couple may have an unexpected bundle of joy, a crisis can wipe out a bank account, and any number of unplanned events can impact your health.

But that does not mean you just go through life without a plan – even a loose one. Setting goals for yourself is important to take full advantage of everything that has been given to you. Everybody has opportunities for growth and for success in different areas, but if you are not working with some sort of guideline, then you’re going to miss them. You know where that gets you? Exactly where you are now.

Be flexible. Roll with the punches. But have a plan. And most importantly, don’t let anybody else influence it for you. Their life is not yours. They made their own decisions, and you make yours. And just like their success or failure has no influence on your life, your success or failure won’t do anything to theirs. Don’t feel guilty about trying to build a life that is not in line with those around you.

I have a beautiful goddaughter.

Her name is Morgan, and she’s closing in on two years old this coming May. A few months ago, I would see Morgan at least once a week. I went to the same church as her parents, and often would sit behind them. Every once in a while, Morgan would reach for me, and I’ve spent a couple services with her nuzzled up on my neck, sleeping. It’s one of the little joys of being a godparent, and particularly a godparent without children of his own.

I got married in October, and now my wife and I go to a different church. Despite being her godfather, I don’t see her every week anymore. In fact, I haven’t seen her since my wedding day. I see pictures her mother puts up on Facebook and I laugh at how cute she is, and then I get a little down because I don’t see her all that much anymore. We’re in near-constant talks with her parents to get together for dinner, but they have limited time of their own (and they just had another baby, so they are extra busy). It’s hard, knowing that I want to be involved with her life, but I don’t feel like I am sometimes.

My brothers and I are near-best friends.

I’m the youngest of four boys. While we have our own social lives, we all enjoy hanging out together. We hated each other growing up, for the most part, but once I hit my teens, they were all in their twenties, and we all started hanging out. There are few times in my life that I’ve laughed harder than when my brothers and I are all together, either sitting around the dinner table or hanging out in the backyard of my parents’ house.

But we’re all married now. My oldest brother, who will be turning 37 this year, has four kids ages six and under. My two other brothers have two kids apiece. As the kids grow older, they start working around their lives. My wife’s family is very close by, so we try to split time between the two families. While the four boys used to hang out (“Yeah, come on over, you can crash here tonight if you want!”), we see each other less and less. Not all of us can make it to watch a Packer game together, or stop by to have birthday cake on a Wednesday night. It feels like a special occasion when we all can get together.

Life gets complicated really quickly.

When you’re a kid, life is pretty easy (though you don’t know it). You’re told where to go every day, you have a set pool of other kids that you can choose from to be your friends, you go where your parents go on weekends, and so on. It’s a fairly simple life. As you get older, people stop telling you where to go. You have decisions to make. You get pulled in different directions.

You get responsibility, and you have to put in effort.

Nothing is a given anymore. If you want a fulfilling career, you have to work towards it on your own. If you are unhappy with any part of your life, be it your health, your wealth, or anything else, you have to make a concerted effort to get there. They say “you get out what you put into it”. That statement has never been ringing truer in my life.

When you decide to put some effort into making changes in your life, not everybody is going to like it. Sometimes my brothers can get frustrated if one of us can’t make it, because they don’t understand why. But our lives are different now. We don’t come from the same house. We don’t have the same plans. I get frustrated when I can’t see my goddaughter, but her family has a lot of family members all over the place, and they have busy lives as well. It’s a balancing act.

My wife grew up seeing her grandparents every week. They would come over during the week and they would go over to their house on Sunday afternoons. Now that she doesn’t live with her parents, she doesn’t see them during the week, and some weekends we have other plans. Some weekends her grandparents don’t have people over. The times keep changing, and it’s hard to adjust. It frustrates her, because she hasn’t had to deal with this before. Any time you make an adjustment in your life, somebody’s going to complain about it (and it might even be you).

We’re adults now, in every sense of the word. And so are you.

If we want enjoyment and fulfillment from our social lives or our family life, we need to put forth the effort to get together and do things. If you want enjoyment and fulfillment, whether it’s from your social life, your family life, your professional life, your marriage, your health, or your financial life, you need to start putting forth the effort. It’s not enough to do a few things and sit back to watch it happen. You have to make the tough decisions yourself, and you have to commit to them. Life can be a grind at times, and you need to keep pushing ahead. If you don’t, things can fall apart pretty quickly.

I don’t like getting older sometimes. For every cool perk there is about being 25, there are a handful that I miss from being a kid. But being unhappy and complaining about it doesn’t do anything. It won’t do anything for you either. So figure out what you want out of this life and start working towards it. Put in the effort, and you’ll reap the rewards. Otherwise, you’re going to go nowhere.

Teenagers are stupid. It’s a fact of life. I was stupid when I was a teenager. When I have kids and they grow up, they’ll be stupid when they are teenagers too. Teenagers are stupid because they’re at a point in their lives where they are transforming into adults – they’re not kids anymore. So they are relying on life experience to make decisions (and they don’t have a whole lot of experience, if any). They want to be treated as adults, but they fall into a bunch of traps that every teenager falls into.

But when did adults start becoming as stupid as teenagers? I can give a teen a pass on being stupid sometimes because they don’t know any better, but big portions of our adult lives are being wasted because we’re being stupid. Also, keep in mind that I’m just as guilty of some of these things - I’m not pointing fingers. But we need to shape up, because adults don’t need to be in these traps:

Stupid Media Fad Obsessions (Twilight, American Idol, etc.)

Notice I said “obsessions”, not “interests”. I am not one to judge – if you like Twilight, great. I don’t really get it, but that’s fine. I like Phineas and Ferb. It’s cool. But what scares me is the number of grown women in my office that talk about how they are going to marry Robert Pattinson and how they spend all their free time reading/watching Twilight. When I go to a Christmas concert at my former high school, I shouldn’t have to see a 40+ year old women wearing a sweatshirt with Edward’s face on it.

People, you look ridiculous. Enjoy a movie, that’s fine. If you like a little mindless entertainment, no big deal. But let it stop there. Focus more on reality. Let the teenagers swoon. Take down the posters and stop buying the “Team Jacob” t-shirts. You’re being stupid.

The same goes for shows like American Idol. Stop texting in votes and living and dying by the results. Enjoy the contest and leave it at that. In the past, there have been plenty of obsessions, but the teenagers were the ones that stuck with those. As adults, we know better. It costs too much time and money to work your life around this crap.

Facebook

When I signed up for Facebook six (!) years ago, it was only open to college students. You needed a college email address, and the whole point was to network with other college students. It was great to keep in contact with friends you went to high school with who were going to school farther away. Then they opened it up to high schoolers. Then they opened it up to the general public.

Then the parents joined in.

All of a sudden, Facebook became a place for people of any age to waste massive amounts of time. Instead of getting together to play games, people sit on Facebook for hours playing games with people that live less than 20 minutes away.

Hey, Facebook is not real life. It’s a place to share some photos and crack a few jokes with friends. If you are wondering whether or not you spend too much time on Facebook, just count how many things you’ve commented on or “liked” in the past week. If you can’t count how many, you’re on it too much. Facebook has become a giant, cluttered mess. We would all do ourselves a service by taking a break from it for a day or two at a time.

Phones

Ever been talking with someone and they pull out their phone to check their email or send a text? It’s annoying, isn’t it? (Guilty.) Remember when you hung out with somebody and you actually paid attention to them? The same goes for apps. People sit next to each other at bars and sit on their freaking phones, playing around with their little doodads and whatnots. I do it sometimes – I have a Blackberry Curve with plenty of stuff on to play around with. But the “constant contact” that we have with each other is causing in-person relationships to suffer. Stop giving up your life to these things.

These are only three, but there certainly are more. If you want some good ideas on how to live life like an adult, read 25 Men Who Cultivated Both Mind and Body. You don’t have to be a man to be inspired by these guys that spent their time keeping themselves in shape and furthering their minds. Let’s give more workouts to our brains and the rest of our bodies. You’ll be healthier and happier as a result. Leave the stupidity to the teenagers – act your age.

Three years ago, I was preparing to move out of my brother’s basement. I had been living with his family in a makeshift apartment and it had reached the point where we were all ready for me to move out. I found a place to move in to and I set about the wonderful task of trying to find stuff for the apartment (i.e., kitchen utensils, various small appliances, and so on). I found myself at Best Buy wandering through the TV section, of all places, and I saw a “sale”: a Dynex 32″ HDTV for $499.

Televisions like these wind up a lot cheaper nowadays, but it was a pretty good deal at the time. Despite having a decent sized TV already, I started thinking about why I should get this thing:

• Well, this whole digital switch is going to happen and my TV will be obsolete anyway, right? I’ll NEED a new TV!
• It’ll be a great long-term investment in my entertainment. When all else fails, at least I’ll have a nice TV in HD!
• I’ll be working from home someday, I’ll want a nice TV to watch when I take breaks!

Oh yeah, and I didn’t have any money. So I whipped out the ol’ credit card and swiped it. And there it was: my glorious, 32″ widescreen HDTV.

Things were great. I was very happy with the quality of this TV, and I went out and charged an XBox 360 to it. I set up a nice HD-DVR through my computer hooked up to it, and life was good. I enjoyed Packer games in HD, The Office in HD, and anything else I wanted. I was working from home and life was grand. Easily, this TV was the best thing I had bought in years.

Then things went south.

I reached a point where I didn’t know where the next dollar was coming from. I had weeks where I struggled through a $10 grocery budget. I had an angry landlord who had to sit while I couldn’t pay the energy bills (and we’re talking winters in Wisconsin). I was prioritizing bills (“Let’s see, if I pay my credit card, I can let my electric bill lapse for a week, they won’t turn it off…”).

Some days I would sit and look at my TV. I’d start thinking about how much it was worth, with sadness knowing that it was worth much less now than when I had bought it anyway. Besides that, the interest had piled up on that purchase, so I have been paying hundreds more for this thing.

After all of that, the nice television offered no comfort. You might think it will – like, once you have it, you’ll enjoy it, even if you’re broke. But you don’t. As much of a TV nut as I am, I couldn’t take solace in having a nice TV when bills weren’t getting paid.

True comfort lies in security and accomplishments. Comfort comes from having a plan. That plan may not work out all the time, and sometimes it may blow up in your face. But you need to approach life with a plan – not with stuff. Stuff can be fun in the short-term, and even in the long-term. I still enjoy my nice HDTV. But before I turn it on, I sit down and make sure that I have the more important parts in my life taken care of.

Don’t pump money into a TV, or a car, or a house as a means of security or a nice feeling inside you. That nice feeling needs to be generated by activity. It can’t be bought.

[Not my leg.]

When was the last time you thought about how great walking is? It’s an incredible gift, isn’t it? You probably aren’t really thinking about it much. Allow me to explain.

I have a significant number of plantars warts on my right foot. Since starting my job, I’ve been going to the corporate clinic to have them treated. I’ve had them for nearly 10 years and nothing has gotten rid of them. I had only gone one other time to a doctor to work on them, and it cost me several hundred dollars, so I never went back for follow-up. This clinic is part of our company and it only costs $10 and appointment. It’s a sweet deal, and I want to be able to be barefoot and confident when I hit the Hawaiian islands in October. Two weeks ago, I had treatment #3.

For those who don’t know how you get rid of warts, basically you take a scalpel and cut off all the calloused skin protecting the wart. Then you freeze the crap out of the suckers so that the virus dies. Because mine are so old, they run pretty deep, so this process usually involves a little bit of blood and a fair amount of pain. The freezing part basically feels like getting stabbed in the foot the longer it goes on.

So I usually walk out of the doctor’s office with what somewhat amounts to several open wounds on the bottom and side of my foot. I limp for a day or two, and then it’s fine. But after treatment #3, I noticed the pain was getting worse. We had bandaged up the foot because it had bled quite a bit, and in the evening, I decided to peel back the bandage to check out the damage. To my surprise, I noticed that a large blood blister had begun to form right on the bottom of my foot. This blister would eventually swell to the size of a quarter and jut out about 1 cm off the bottom of my foot.

All right, you can stop shuddering. It’s not that gross.

Anyhoo, I was able to limp home that night, but when I woke up in the morning, it had swelled so much that I could not physically walk on my foot. I could hop along on my heel, but my heel bone didn’t like that too much. So, I had to bust out my dad’s old crutches and rely on those for four days, until the swelling went down enough that I could limp on it.

During that time, I realized what a gift the ability to walk really is. It’s one of those “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”-type abilities. All of a sudden, what was once a minor activity turned into a big project:

• Going upstairs to use the bathroom or cook
• Walk to and from the bathroom at work (I drink a lot of water at work, so this one is pretty significant to me)
• Going down a flight of stairs to get a cup of water at work
• Getting groceries
• Just stopping at a store to pick up something
• Getting food and drink from my kitchen area to my living room area
• Driving anywhere

All of these things became ten times more difficult, just because I couldn’t put weight on one of my feet. It’s amazing the things you don’t think of as gifts until they are taken from you. Of course, people in wheelchairs or young babies who still haven’t figured it out know the frustration caused by not being able to walk. But the rest of us don’t always appreciate that.

Think about the different abilities and gifts that you have been given that you may not even think about anymore. A few generations ago, some of these gifts weren’t even there:

• The ability to run down to the store and pick up food, rather than relying on your own harvest or hunting skills
• The ability to set foot on any part of the world within 24 hours or so
• The ability to propel a car many miles using just your foot
• Access to millions of computers and databases through the Internet
• The control over the atmosphere and environment in your house, regardless of the weather outside
• Being able to walk to the faucet and grab a drink of clean, fresh water whenever you feel like

And these are just a few. Take a little time to appreciate the little joys in life instead of complaining about the rest of it. Oh, and I had my 4th treatment yesterday, and it looks like another blister is forming. I guess I’ll be really appreciative once this ordeal is over…

The Beatles knew it. Sometimes, we all need help. But asking somebody to give us a hand can really feel like pulling out your own teeth sometimes, doesn’t it? I’m a fiercely independent man. I won’t ask for help on something until I am completely backed into a corner.

Why are we scared to ask for help?

• It makes us look vulnerable. If you’re the type that likes being looked to as somebody who can get the job done in any situation, you hate asking for help just because you think it makes you look weak.
• It may inconvenience somebody else. Even if they tell you repeatedly that it’s not that big of a deal, you still feel guilty making somebody else compromise their time to bail you out.
• We don’t think we need it. To some degree, we all have that feeling that we can accomplish anything. We’ve been told that since birth (“you can do anything you set your mind to,” right?).

But asking for help isn’t a bad thing. You’ve heard of the phrase, “Work smarter, not harder.” That’s exactly what asking for help means. It means being smart. Anybody who’s had any success in this world understands that there are moments where you just need to ask for help.

Asking for a little help involves checking out a few things in your motives. First, there’s a distinct difference between wanting help and wanting someone to do the work for you. Don’t ask your buddy to come help you work on the car if you are just going to stand next to the car drinking a beer while he works on your transmission. If you want help working on the car, roll up your sleeves and have him assist you in fixing it (and learn something along the way!). It’s like falling down in a race – you don’t want somebody to come pick you up and carry you across the finish line; you just want someone to help get you off the ground so you can start running again. Plus, if you’re truly asking for help, you are demonstrating to those around you (and yourself) that you aren’t running from the problem. You want to tackle it head-on. If you need a little help, that’s okay.

So let’s take a look at some situations where you might want to ask for a little help.

School

Any readers out there still doing homework? Hey, just because I’m not anymore doesn’t mean I don’t have any college readers (or high school readers?). In any case, this is a great time to learn how to ask for help. Usually on TV and in movies, you see getting help with homework involves having a nerd give you answers, or duping the cute girl into dating you. We’re not discussing either of those things here. Make it worth the tutor’s time. Throw some money their way, or buy them something nice in exchange. If you happen to live in some pop culture cliché, you could teach them to be cool. When they are going over things, stop them and ask questions. Any good teacher wants you to ask questions: it shows you are paying attention and you care about the material. Have them explain the concepts behind that algebra problem or the philosophies that our Founding Fathers built on. The more you can inject yourself into the content, the easier this will be on both of you!

Career

Watching somebody try to move up the ladder in an office can be interesting. After all, there are a fair amount of people in the world stuck in their positions, complaining about their bosses, wishing they got more raises, and just reveling in their misery. If you want to get ahead, you need to get on your bosses’ radar. Schedule a sit-down with your boss and instead of asking “Can I get a raise?” or “When will you promote me?”, ask questions like “What can I do to get a raise?” or “What can I do to get me on track for a promotion?” Put it on you. Your boss will appreciate it. After all, it’s not his job to give you a raise – it’s your job to earn it.

Building a business? Talk to people who’ve done it successfully. That’s the biggest point. Offer something in return. Many businesspeople are happy to share ideas and concepts with budding entrepreneurs. They’ve been there!

Marriage/Relationships

This is probably the one that the fewest people ask for help with. Relationships, and particularly marriages, can be strained after long periods of time. Many couples don’t understand that this is a natural thing, and they simply give up. But if you actually want to work at your marriage (you know, that whole “for better or for worse” promise you made), then there’s nothing wrong with getting together and understanding that you need to see somebody. It’s a big step in your marriage, and it doesn’t mean you’re incompatible – it just means you are human and you need to work through some crap. Hopefully, you’re going to a church, so you could approach your pastor about it. Most pastors are trained and educated in counseling, so they’d be great resources for this sort of thing. Even if they can’t, they should know somebody reputable that they can refer you to. Having a strong faith together is a great resource to turn to when things get tough. Also, go into any couples therapy as a team – you aren’t there to fix the other person. You are there to fix the relationship, and that means both of you.

Addiction

Simply put: there’s a lot of crap in this world that your brain can get hooked on. A lot of times, doing it on your own does nothing. Again, to get help, find somebody who’s kicked it successfully. There are plenty of support groups out there that can coach you into getting it done. If you need to look for a reputable specialist, do so. And let go of the shame – the world looks much more favorably on somebody who recognizes his or her addiction and is mature enough to get help. If you’re fighting it, you’ve got respect. There is little compassion for somebody who is too proud to get help and lets it take them down. Don’t be that guy.

Emotional Support

We all need to share our feelings with somebody at times (yup, even us dudes!). The best way to do so is to talk with your significant other – or in absence of one of those, a close friend or family member. But don’t unload on the person. They are not there to dump your troubles on to. Spend some time relating feelings to each other, and then do something together to get your mind off the stress.

If you want to be successful when getting help, the main thing to understand is that it’s going to be hard. There’s no way around that, so face it head-on. Once you approach it like that, nothing can stop you except yourself. Get some help before it’s too late to fix it.

The vast majority of American workers spend their days under fluorescent lighting with identical desks and uncomfortable chairs. They spend their days dreaming of raises and vacations, and consider themselves indentured servants with no opportunity to grow.

Bull.

Sure, sometimes you may be bogged down by the system at work, but that doesn’t mean you can turn into a whiny teenager. Chances are, if you are working full-time in an office, you’re old enough to be told this: act your age. The thing is, once you start carrying yourself like an adult, things start to swing your way.

Clothing

I am appalled by how some people dress in the office these days. You might as well come in pajamas. You may not know it, but people may be paying more attention to you than you think. So just because you threw on a tie for that interview doesn’t mean people automatically think you are a professional. You’re going to have to carry yourself like that more often. I’m a fan of wearing ties. I just am. Many days, I feel very confident in myself when I’ve got a tie on. There’s no shame in that. If your coworkers are making comments like, “You’re making us look bad!” and calling you a brown noser, that just means you’re doing it right. It means they feel threatened. They might laugh at that insinuation (and goodness, you don’t walk up and say that to them!), but it’s true. That’s their way of going on the defensive. Let them talk. You’re an adult now – stop wearing pajamas and t-shirts everywhere.

Getting down to business

Some people are shocked – SHOCKED – at the thought that they are expected to work when they are at work! I don’t know how many times I hear people complaining that their boss said they walk around too much, or talk more than they should. If somebody else notices how much you talk and not do work, then you are talking way too much. Stop and say “hi” to somebody when you walk by their desk – that’s cool. And you should, you’re a team, after all. But you’re not there to socialize. You are there to work. So hit the grindstone. You weren’t in class to sit around and talk, you were there to get work done. It’s the same lesson here. The people who goof off go nowhere.

Whiners don’t get promoted, but squeaky wheels get the grease (there’s a difference)

The office environment is not perfect – politics, stupid policy changes, and clashing personalities are everywhere in the workplace. So how do you approach these situations? Do you go to a friend’s desk and spend ten minutes complaining about it? If you do, you’re stamping your ticket to Nowheresville (I like that phrase – I should use it more often). Putzing around whining to your peers will not change a single thing, and it will just make you angry – and annoy the people around you. Nobody wants to hear you gripe.

At the same time, you may find yourself in a situation that warrants a legitimate change. Here’s how to get that change to happen:

1. Arm yourself with factual reasons why you want this to change (not “I don’t like this” or “This is annoying”, but more “This is how this is negatively affecting the workplace”…).
2. Start a dialogue with somebody who can make that change happen – don’t try to just push them to change it right away.
3. Offer up a reasonable solution to the problem, don’t just ask that it be changed.
4. Follow up with the situation.
5. Do all of this with a concerned, genuine tone, not a whiny tone.

To get people to like you while avoiding the dreaded “sucking up”, just be sincere

I’m a generally-liked person at work. My bosses and supervisors listen when I bring something up, and we all tend to share a laugh at one time or another – or at least I laugh. Not all my jokes are that great. But anyway, on the outset, I look like I’m sucking up hardcore to these people, but there’s a very big difference between what I’m doing and sucking up:

I’m being sincere.

Even if you don’t particularly care for someone, ask them questions and show an interest in how they are doing. Share a quick laugh with them, if possible. Connect with them on their level. And don’t just do it to “get ahead” – do it to be a positive influence on the work environment. If you are beat down by the system, try to approach it with a positive attitude, which goes along with…

Just like in life, it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you take it

Everybody gets dealt a bad hand in life, and in business. If you have a bad day and people can see it when you walk past, you’re not going to go very far. Muster up the ability to smile – it’s usually not the other person’s fault you had a bad day. And remember, if it is, you can approach it respectfully. Ditch the whining and the “woe is me”. I don’t care how late you have to work tonight. This is your job. Generally speaking, management has to deal with a lot of crap, too. And if you are a low guy on the totem pole and you can’t handle that stress, then you won’t be in line for a promotion. You’ll have the reputation that you can’t handle the responsibility.

Want more responsibility? Ask for it

When emails are low at work, I walk around and ask supervisors if they have any extra work to do. I don’t sit around and surf the internet. When you’re a kid, it’s like asking for more homework. When you’re an adult, you know better – those that are willing to work can bring a great attitude to a better position. You’ll get more work, and you’ll be pretty tired at the end of the day, but that positive, gung-ho attitude will take you places.

Stop resenting management

It amazes me how quickly the public turns on somebody successful. We live in a free market, and if a company is paying an executive a ridiculous bonus, fine. That means, A) the vast majority of these executives earned it, and B) the company is doing well, so they should be rewarded for their work. Just because you get paid $12 an hour doesn’t mean a thing. You may be annoyed from time to time, but let it be. These are the people in charge, and just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean you should be defiant to them. If they are doing something that is actually affecting the work environment, then you need to do something about it. But spending your days being snippy at them and victimizing yourself will just guarantee more days being snippy at them and victimizing yourself.

I don’t think I’m being ridiculous with any of these suggestions. The fact is, in America today, you’re lucky to have a job. Just today, one of my brothers got laid off, my buddy’s friend is close to losing her job, and one of his coworkers got the boot too. If you want to be invaluable enough that they will want to keep you even when business is down, you better work hard and take some pride in yourself. Respect the people around you and they will respect you back. Then you can work your way into the position that you want.

The above is in honor of the Milwaukee Brewers, who just set a franchise record as I type this for the biggest margin of victory in a shutout win over the Pirates, 20-0. Way to go, fellas! We’ve got a lot of ground to cover today, so let’s just get started:

Family Life

Ironically, even though I don’t have kids, I’m fascinated by articles written by parents about how they raise their kids. Here are a couple I saw (plus a marriage one, too):

• Why You Want a Debt-Free Marriage [Simple Marriage] – This is a nice article that tries to help you avoid the problems that come from money issues in your marriage. Amanda and I won’t be debt-free, but we’ll be working our tails off to get there as quickly as possible.
• What Children Can Teach Their Parents [Stepcase Lifehack] – On the flip side of the usual take on parenting, here’s what the older folks can learn from their rugrats.
• Parenting: 6 Myths You Should Know About [Stepcase Lifehack] – My favorite: “#6. Letting your child struggle or get upset is bad parenting.” Too many people think this is truth.

Put a smiiiiile on your faaaaace…

Happiness seems elusive for so many. Check out these great tips:

• Stuff won’t make you happy, experiences will [Unclutterer] – It shocks me how many people don’t realize this. Even if you consciously understand this, do you subconsciously believe it?
• why i won’t be buying an ipad [mnmlist] – This isn’t an anti-Apple article. It’s a common-sense article.
• The Boy and the Sundae [Becoming Minimalist] – This is a really sweet story that teaches a good lesson about giving back to others.

Nerdy Stuff

Time for something a little more technical – but no less practical!

• Ditch Desktop Apps for Webapps, Free Up RAM, and Enjoy the Best of Both Worlds [Lifehacker] – Most of us have a constant internet connection now, and you can do most computing within a web browser without noticing a difference, except your computer will run better. That’s why I use Google Docs, Gmail, Picasa, Google Reader, and Pandora, among other apps.
• Windows Media Player 12 Streams Your Media Library Over The Internet [Lifehacker] – Say what you want about Microsoft, but they continue to just swing for the fences trying to improve their software for our benefits. I won’t say they’re doing fantastic or anything (I still haven’t tried Windows 7, and it is expensive), but WMP12 lets you connect your music and videos to any computer using the same software that everybody has on their Windows computer. That’s pretty cool.
• Why I’m Returning My Apple iPad [Social Times] – Writer Nick O’Neill puts forth the idea that the iPad is not revolutionary and that Apple has missed the boat here. Besides that, he reiterates like everybody else the same thing: we don’t need it.

Make some changes!

Whether it’s in yourself or in the world, we can all agree that a little change would be nice once in a while:

• From the Greats: 6 Tactics to Increase Your Class and Charm [Dumb Little Man] – The old days weren’t perfect, and I wouldn’t want to bring all of it back (sexism, racism, etc.), but people – especially men – carried themselves differently back then. They had respect for themselves, and that’s something we can agree needs to come back.
• Why Rejection Letters are Great [Write to Done] – Yeah, this is about business and writing, but it could easily be called “Why Rejection Is Great”. In other words, rejection puts you one step closer to success.
• the only thing you can change [mnmlist] – Putting big life changes in perspective. If you feel like you’re in over your head, read this one.
• 6 Proven Ways to Make New Habits Stick [Stepcase Lifehack] – Want to go to the gym? Get up earlier? Eat healthier? Start here.
• How to Lose Weight: 6 of My Own Favorite Tips [The Positivity Blog] – Hint: it’s really not that complicated.
• 9 Great Ways to Be Exceptionally Boring [Stepcase Lifehack, again] – This blog really showed me this last week why I kept it in my Google Reader feeds. This is a quick article showing you the habits that make you a bore (and somebody nobody wants to really be around).
• 34 Little Ways to Share With the World [Zen Habits] – The beauty of today’s internet is that anyone can make big changes with small actions. Here are 34 of them.
• Give Up [Rock Your Day] – Stop expecting things to go well all the time. Life doesn’t owe you jack. Then you’ll see some awesome things happen.
• 42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself [Stepcase Lifehack] – I’m a sucker for any post with the word “practical” in the title, but this one is a great summation of different ways you can make yourself a better person. Pick one that intrigues you and give it a shot!

Money, money, money, money, moneeyyyyyyy…

No list is complete without some money tips. Here are my favorites from the last two weeks:

• Is It Possible to Manage Credit Cards Well? [Christian Personal Finance] – No. No it isn’t. I got ripped to shreds on Facebook the other day for posting a similar anti-credit card article. Makes me sad.
• 10 Ways To Simplify Your Life [Christian Personal Finance] – Here are some great ways to cut out the clutter in your life and make yourself a little money in the process.
• Why Do You Buy? [The Simple Dollar] – This is a remarkable trick: the next time you go to buy something, ask yourself “Why?” five times, just like a little kid. I bet you will wind up saving a little more money.
• 5 Tips For Going Out to Eat on a Budget [Christian Personal Finance] – I am a big proponent of cooking for yourself, but it’s nice to go out to eat once in a while. But don’t blow the bank account when you do by following these tips.
• How To Buy a $5,000 Car [MoneyTalksNews] – We are a nation full of people that pay too much for their cars. Talk about reliability all you want, but you buy the newer car for the flash. Otherwise, we’d all be driving Toyota Corollas or something. If you want to avoid the car payment trap, you need to buy a good used car. This is a great guide.
• Seven Reasons To Care About The Tiny Things (And Seven Tiny Things To Care About) [The Simple Dollar] – Chances are, the tiny things are more controllable than the large things. And they add up.

"Hey, Mom! I got a credit card so that I can build credit. This is going to be a smart move towards my future – a good credit score will mean a nice mortgage and better loan rates!"

"Son, take the credit card and lock it up. Don’t carry it around with you. Only use it for emergencies."

"Aw, I won’t use it. What am I going to buy for $1,000, anyway?"

Then I go bowling and I’m out of cash. "I’ll just put thirteen bucks on the card, who’s that gonna hurt?" Flash forward 5 years: I racked up about $3,000 in credit card debt, got a second job to pay it off, and now I sit with another $8,000 in credit card debt after that.

No matter what I’ve done over the last five years, I’ve constantly succumbed to the lure of the credit card. The problem is, when I see that I have $200 "available" on my card, my mind instantly thinks of stuff I can buy for $200. The first key in getting out of debt is to understand that this is not "available" money; every dollar you put on a credit card is money you have to pay back or creditors will start hunting you down.

In my case, both of my cards, on separate occasions, sent me letters saying they were going to triple my interest rates if I didn’t stop using the card and close it down. Not being able to afford the interest and the payments that were going to come along with them, I had no choice but to close them down. If I used my card even once, they would retroactively charge me for the higher interest rate and I would be screwed.

Each time this happened, I took my cards out of their well-worn spots in my wallet, grabbed a scissors, and split them in half. I keep the pieces in a filing cabinet to remind myself of the pain that these cards have caused me.

How did I survive? I wasn’t making enough to cover my bills. I figured I’d starve, since I wouldn’t be able to put groceries on my credit cards anymore. Here’s what happened:

1. I prioritized my spending. This, for me, meant getting on a budget, but suddenly, I started working on the Four Walls. I had to make sure I understood where my money needed to go, first and foremost.
2. I made some sacrifices. I thought I wasn’t spending on myself, but sure enough, I found little bits and pieces throughout my typical month where I was wasting money. Reigning in this spending allowed me to cover the usual bills that I was using my credit card to pay for.
3. The bleeding stopped. It may not be much, but now I can see some progress made on my accounts. Each card has a few hundred dollars “available", and without the cards, I have no desire to use that "money".
4. I slapped together an emergency fund. To pay for the little emergencies that come my way, I now have some money in the bank to pay for them, should they occur.
5. I went out less. This doesn’t mean my life is somehow less fun. It just means that I’m being responsible with the money I do have, and I make it count when I go out and pay for stuff with cash. I find other ways to bond with my friends, besides going to the bar and opening a tab on the card.

In short, I feel liberated. In the short-term, yeah: things suck a little. But I don’t feel chained to these cards anymore. Cut the cards and cut your chains. Think you "need" them? Think again. Your financial situation is not unique, and other people are dealing with it better than you are. Suck it up and cut ‘em up!