I put it together on the living room floor. I twisted off the old strings and gave my guitar a good cleaning. Meticulously, I cranked the new strings tightly and strummed a few notes. My foot was tapping with excitement.

When I was in college, I learned how to play the guitar – poorly. When I was in the dorms my sophomore year, literally half of the guys on the floor played guitar. I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing somebody practicing or jamming in their rooms, including my roommate. I always wanted to play, so I got a cheap guitar for Christmas and my fellow floormates taught me the basics.

By the end of that school year, I could play a few songs. It was enough to impress people who couldn’t play the guitar at all. I loved the feeling, and I dreamed of playing an “open mic” night at Sprizzo’s Cafe, where my friends played regularly.

Then I transferred out of that school. I was on my own to keep playing. And I stopped.

So when I decided I was going to start playing again, I was excited. It was time to stop lugging around my guitar, only noticing it when I was moving to a new apartment. I wanted to start strumming with the best of them.

I bookmarked a site full of guitar lessons and created a spreadsheet to track my progress. I set up the guitar stand right next to my computer in my office, so it would be in front of me. I wouldn’t forget it.

According to my spreadsheet, the last time I picked up my guitar was July 7^th. I practiced exactly 8 days since June 1^st.

“I’ve decided I’m going to ____________.”

How often have you said this? And how often did that turn into nothing? We, as human beings, learn of our fallibility as we age. We learn that our decisions don’t always lead to change. Sometimes, we choose to be better spouses. We choose to be better employees. We choose to be better guitar players. We choose to be better cooks.

But within a few days, our “choices” subside. We stop paying attention to our spouses. We’re back sneaking Hulu into our workday. Our guitars collect dust in the closet (or next to your computer). We swing by the McDonald’s drive-thru on the way home.

It’s time to shift gears.

“Indecision becomes decision with time.” - Author Unknown

You may not realize it, but you make decisions every day. The decision to not play is just as much of a decision as it is to play.

But too many of us mistake thinking for action. I’m a brainstormer. I spend hours planning things out sometimes. I’ve been studying direct mail copywriting for almost two months now. I am working constantly to refine my approach and make sure that I am ready to start contacting potential clients and building up a portfolio of much better-paying work.

But, even though I decided two months ago to make a run at being a big-time direct mail copywriter, I have to constantly remind myself that I have not fulfilled that decision until I actually start trying to get clients.

The difference between brainstorming and action

Fulfilling your decision isn’t done by brainstorming. When you decide to start a blog, you haven’t started the blog until you’ve started the blog. When you decide to write a book, you haven’t written the book until you’ve written the book.

You aren’t playing guitar until you’re playing the guitar. The decision isn’t fulfilled until you actually are doing what you decided to do.

“Do or do not – there is no try.” - Yoda

This is a common quote all over the web, but it is one that everyone needs to print out and post on their computer monitors, at their desks, in their cubicles, on their refrigerators, and on their bathroom mirrors. Want a more crude quote to use? “Either sh*t or get off the pot.”

We are a society of talkers. We make ourselves feel good because we educate ourselves on things. Education is fantastic, and it is a very important part of our development. But even more important than education is action. Instead of taking a stand for something, why not shut up and start doing it?

Instead of telling everybody to be “greener”, look at yourself and figure out what you can do to stop wasting energy. Instead of talking about why entrepreneurship is the way to go, find a way to start a business today (and yes, there are plenty of ways to do it). Instead of dreaming about some important goal and telling everybody that you’ll do it “someday”, get your act together and map out some steps to get there. Once you’ve done that, start doing them.

I’m tired of telling people that I’m going to do something, only to give up on it. It only breeds disappointment and resentment – and a lot of rationalization. Instead of walking around, talking about what I want to do, I’m going to get my ass out there and do it.

I’m tired of being all talk. Aren’t you?

It’s time to make a real decision. It’s time to make some real changes. Remember: if you don’t follow through on what you are shooting for, then you are just deciding to fail.

Who do you know that needs to read this? A family member? A friend? Yourself? Share this article. Tweet it. Post it on Facebook. Email it to someone. Or just bookmark it yourself for later reading. Give yourself and someone else the opportunity to get a kick in the butt when it is needed.

A buddy of mine and his wife had a baby boy on Mother’s Day (just a few days ago – that’s him up there!). He’s a little, five-pound beauty that just melts you. I’m a big baby guy, and my wife is crazy about babies, so we enjoyed just hanging out with them and passing the kid back and forth, watching him sleep or groggily stare at the weird people who were holding him.

We’ve been married for more than six months, so now is the time when everybody and their brother pounces on us and asks the same question:

“So when are you guys going to start having kids?”

Before we were married, my wife and I made sure we were on the same page when it came to kids. The last thing you want is to be stuck in a marriage where you disagree about when/if you’re having children. We settled on two years, feeling that we would want time to get used to each other and enjoy being married before adding kids to the mix. We made up our minds, and even though we are tempted from time to time, we know it’s a smart decision and one that both of us can be happy with.

But you know, that doesn’t matter to other people. And they’re usually just trying to be cute or funny when they do it, but there’s a grain of truth behind their badgering. Just like when you are dating for a while and they start asking, “So when are you guys going to get married?”, bugging couples about kids is just what people who have kids do, because they are anxious to see someone else go through the experience.

And it’s not that we dread the idea – we’re looking forward to what having kids will do for us and the opportunity to raise a family. But we know we’re not ready for it yet.

The importance of making up your own mind

It amazes me how often people make decisions based on what other people think. I used to do it all the time. You start in school, when you pick what to wear based on what others are wearing, and what music to listen to based on what everybody else is listening to. You see the same movies and the same TV shows, because you just want to fit in with everybody else.

But some of us don’t grow out of that. We keep making decisions based on what we think we’re “supposed” to do, instead of what we really want to do. People that do that are destined to just repeat history, so to speak.

There’s nothing wrong with being logical

It’s very easy to judge actions based on emotions. Some of the people who have kids and are pushing us to have kids didn’t plan on getting pregnant when they did. So they just assume that it’s going to happen to everybody. They figure, “Why bother trying to have any control over your life if it’s just going to spiral out of control anyway?” You can see this attitude in their approach to having kids, managing their money, or pursuing their careers.

The truth is, you have much more control than you think. When you are making life decisions, you can certainly sit down and be logical about it – working on facts instead of looking at your emotions.

For example, if you are deciding when to have children, you should sit down and look at your age, how many kids you want to have, your goals for your marriage, and what you want to do over the next few years. My wife and I did that, and that’s how we approached our baby-making decision. This is the same approach you should have for any big decision: where to live, where to go in your career, managing/improving your health, and your money management.

Life will throw you curveballs

Being logical also means understanding that not everything will go according to plan. A married couple may have an unexpected bundle of joy, a crisis can wipe out a bank account, and any number of unplanned events can impact your health.

But that does not mean you just go through life without a plan – even a loose one. Setting goals for yourself is important to take full advantage of everything that has been given to you. Everybody has opportunities for growth and for success in different areas, but if you are not working with some sort of guideline, then you’re going to miss them. You know where that gets you? Exactly where you are now.

Be flexible. Roll with the punches. But have a plan. And most importantly, don’t let anybody else influence it for you. Their life is not yours. They made their own decisions, and you make yours. And just like their success or failure has no influence on your life, your success or failure won’t do anything to theirs. Don’t feel guilty about trying to build a life that is not in line with those around you.

Happy 2011, Everybody!

I want to simplify your resolutions this year and help you keep them. This year, resolve to change ONE thing about your life for the better. That’s it. Don’t say you’re going to learn karate, lose 75 pounds, find the man/woman of your dreams, and pay off all your debt. All those things are great, but realistically, you’re not going to do all that. Let’s just make one change, whatever it is, for the better. Here’s how:

Recognize that you have more control than you think

This is the first step. When it comes to changing things about you, you wield a surprising amount of power. You can’t resolve to win the lottery, because that’s not up to you. Losing weight is. Getting on solid financial ground is. Before you set a goal, stop running around pointing fingers at everybody for the lousiness of your life and start thinking of ways that you can make the changes in your life. That’s the only way this is going to get done.

Some people fear this step because then they have nobody to blame but themselves if they fail. Guess what? That’s the point.

Be realistic and specific

SUCKS: “I want to pay off all my debt.” BETTER: “I want to put $10,000 towards debt.”

SUCKS: “I want to get in shape.” BETTER: “I want to lose 20 pounds.”

Being realistic helps the goal be attainable. It should still be a challenge, but you need to be able to see the finish line. That’s the only way to win the race. Being specific shows you exactly where that finish line is. If you are running a race and you have no idea where the finish line is, you struggle. But if there are markers showing you where you are in the race, you know how to get there, and you can push yourself.

Track it

I’m a big fan of Evernote for all my tracking needs, but you can use a pen and paper, a spreadsheet, or anything, really. It’s not important how you track it, it’s just important that you do. This helps you see progress as it happens.

Find the steps to get there

Want to lose weight? Grab a few books or check out some blogs on the topic. Start figuring out what you’re doing wrong and write down the steps needed to change that. The same goes for your finances: look at your complete financial picture and where your money is going. Start finding the problems you can fix. Make sure you have benchmarks that you can hit that you can celebrate when you get there. If you just say you want to lose 20 pounds, you should have some pride when you lose the first five. Recognizing your smaller accomplishments help you keep going towards the bigger goal.

Resolutions fail because they are unclear and unachievable. People make them without knowing where to start. Understand that it will likely be hard work, and you will need to sacrifice. Once you can get into the details of it, you stand a better chance of making that one big change in your life. Here’s to you this New Year 2011, and let’s hit those goals this year!

Where is this road going?

I quit my customer service job to focus on my writing, and I get easily frustrated with The Nerd at times, because I feel like I’m not doing enough with it yet. But I’ve been going at this thing for over a year and a half, so it feels like it should be bigger. In the meantime, I’ve wanted to be a big-time freelancer, and I’m still sitting around with little odd jobs that, while they pay well, are not what I want to be doing with my life.

Two days ago, I stumbled upon this post that was being tweeted around by my new friend Jacob Sokol. It details 48 people who have turned what most people simply call “blogging” into a lifestyle that helps other people, inspires other people, and supports themselves. In short: they’re doing what I’ve always wanted to do. And some of them have only started months ago. What do these people have that I don’t?

Nothing.

They’re normal people. I’ve connected with a few of them, and they are pretty down-to-earth, regular people. I bet they even put their pants on one leg at a time. So why are they successful when I’m not? They committed. They’ve put everything they have into that one thing, that one focus. They pushed themselves to be amazing at what they do, and they help people along the way. I haven’t done that.

I’ve kinda putzed around, writing when I kinda feel like it, drifting along in a sea of unfocused garbledy-gook (write that word down). And the result? The feeling of being lost. My personal life is outstanding, but my professional life is just… kinda there. I’m still working for a paycheck (albeit from a home office, which is still ten times better). My wife came into the bedroom, where I was laying with my laptop reviewing these 48 amazing stories, and she asked me what was wrong. I looked her dead in the eye and said, “I’m unhappy.”

I don’t want to waste any more time – I want to bring razor-sharp focus to this place and to my life. I want to help people. This isn’t a New Year’s Resolution; this is a December 14th Resolution. I promise to do the following:

• Stop writing pointless drivel on this site and write something that really matters.
• Bring a laser focus to what I want to accomplish professionally.
• Find the things – beyond money – that I want to do with The Practical Nerd.
• Help you become amazing at something and even, dare I say it, a little happier with life.
• Create more.
• Get together with fellow up and coming “bloggers” and help more people than I ever have before.
• Make my success happen.

What kind of “resolution” can you make? What is the one part of your life that you just want to grab by the you-know-whats and absolutely dominate? Now’s the time to resolve to do it. Not tomorrow, not January 1st. Right freaking now. Stop spinning your wheels and get going.

Peter Schneider with Roy E. Disney

I’m a Disney nut. I’ve admitted it before, and I will continue to admit it. I think Disney is a fantastically-run company, their movies are classics (most of them), and Walt Disney was a hard-working entrepreneur that inspires me all the time. And if you get the chance, read a biography of his. I’m reading one right now, and it is phenomenal. On a Disney World podcast I listen to (my wife and I will be visiting there next October), the podcaster frequently mentioned a documentary called, Waking Sleeping Beauty, which was filmed by some of the cartoonists that worked with Disney during the “Renaissance” of Disney animation in the late 1980s and early-to-mid 1990s – The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King. All classic movies of my childhood, and since I’m a sucker for a good documentary, I wanted to see it badly!

But the documentary was only showing at private screenings in select theaters throughout the country. And like most private screenings, Milwaukee was left out of the bunch. Then it was announced that it would be released on DVD, so I jumped onto Netflix and reserved my chance to watch it. It came a few days ago, and I was able to sit down and watch it the other night. It was fascinating, but that’s not the point of this article. Let me set the stage for a quote that I immediately wrote down after hearing.

In the mid-’80s, Disney animated movies were not doing very well at the box office. The project they were working on was The Black Cauldron, which was a very dark cartoon that wound up going way over budget and costing the company millions (with little returns). It is considered to be a giant failure in Disney lore. After that, Roy E. Disney brought in new executives Michael Eisner and Frank Wells to run the company, and they brought in Jeffrey Katzenberg to head up Disney animation. Disney animation was thought to be on its way out, and nobody respected the division.

Animation was improved with the help of Katzenberg, and the insistence of Roy Disney to keep producing animated movies. To work on The Little Mermaid, the company brought in director Peter Schneider, who was nervous to walk into the company and try to perform under intense pressure. But he had a very interesting quote in this documentary (which he helped make):

“I thought, I can’t do worse than The Black Cauldron. You can’t fall off the first floor.”

I paused the DVD the second I heard that quote, ran into my office, and wrote it down.

Think about that last part of the quote: “You can’t fall off the first floor”. Are you worried about assuming some risk in your life? How miserable are you? Some people struggle constantly with creating a life that they want, but they never do anything about it. But they fail to realize that, often, it can’t really get much worse.

Most of risk in the adult world revolves around money – what happens if you go broke, etc.? But if you are trying to launch your career and are held back by a paycheck, there is something to be said for the idea that you are stuck on the first floor. You are nowhere where you want to be, so who cares if you fall down a little bit? You don’t have very far to go!

When I jumped at the chance to quit my customer service job and go back to writing full time, I worried a little about the risks involved. But, regardless of what it says on the news, there are always jobs to get. They may not be envious, but they’re jobs. If you’re working for a paycheck, you can always go out and get another paycheck. I can bartend, I can wait tables, I can deliver pizzas. Some worry about the seniority I gave up, but what good is seniority in a career I don’t want?

In my mind, I was on the first floor – in the wrong building. Now, a few weeks later, I may not be in the penthouse yet, but at least I’m in the elevator staring at the buttons. When you feel stuck, think about how far down you really could go if you made a drastic change. Often, it’s not nearly as drastic as you think.

If Peter Schneider had failed and The Little Mermaid bombed, what would he have lost? He would have had the experience of trying and failing, and that’s about it. The Disney Company didn’t really have much to lose either. Fortunately, by taking the risk and producing another animated feature film, Disney wound up putting together a string of classics that made the company billions of dollars, transformed pop culture at the time, advanced the careers of countless actors, musicians, and animators, and inspired billions of people who watched these movies.

Not bad for taking on a little risk. Compare the best and worst case scenarios of the change you want to make. Then get into the right building, or you’ll never make it off the first floor.

Rest assured: that’s not the behavior I’m referring to in the title.

As I watched the end of The Aviator on my honeymoon – an excellent portrayal by Leonardo DiCaprio – I noticed something else about Howard: his drive. After flying his giant plane in front of the media, despite years of speculation and skepticism, Howard Hughes should have been basking in the glory. He should have been doing interviews and press junkets talking about how he proved everyone wrong and everyone should apologize to him and give him lots of money. But he didn’t. When he got off that plane, he immediately went to his advisors and started discussing the possibility of jet engines in plane travel. They couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to enjoy his success.

Enjoying success is great, but it gets you in trouble. There are numerous washed-up celebrities that had a good thing going and then… nothing. Think of all the one-hit wonders in the music industry. Many of them rode the wave of success from their big hit, but then had nothing on the other end when it ran its course. They wound up broke, miserable, addicted to whatever and, worse, dead.

When you get a promotion at work, does that mean you stop trying to be better at your job? For many, yeah, it does. Or even when you get that big job, you don’t try to better yourself and climb the ladder. You celebrate your success too long. The last time I went full-time with my freelance business, I scored a big client that paid the bills and I rode the wave well into the ground. Next thing you know, I’m stuck behind a desk working second shift in customer service. I celebrated my victory too long and paid the price.

If you have a child in school and they get an “A” on a paper or exam, it’s a great success. But do you then give the child more slack to do crappy on subsequent tests? No. You hold them accountable for that “A” and you help them to keep improving their knowledge. So why do we not hold ourselves to the same standards?

Strive to be better. Push yourself. Look for ways to make your home a better place to be, to make your family a more cohesive and loving unit, to strengthen your friendships, and to love more deeply. Work hard to improve every aspect of your life. Celebrating is fine, but it is temporary. Living in this world is a lot of work – there’s no dancing around it – and the party will eventually end. End it yourself and roll up your sleeves again before it’s too late. Howard Hughes had some mental problems, but he knew how to innovate and how to push himself to be better. We should all do the same, every day.

What follows is a very interesting tale of a guy who saw the Samurai as savages, but watched them work and take care of their families. He observed the honor that they live with, and in the end, he winds up fighting his own soldiers on the side of the Samurai.

We’ll come back to that, but let’s switch gears for a second: on our honeymoon, my wife and I came across people whose sole forms of income were tourist-y type activities. There was a simple crew that existed only to take tourists like us onto big boats, drive us out into the middle of the ocean, and let us snorkel for a while. They fed us sandwiches and soda. We were charged over $75 apiece for this trip. During the hour-long boat ride to our first snorkel destination, I remarked to my wife that it looks like it would be a fun and lucrative gig – all you need to do is really pay for the upkeep of the boat, and the rest is profit. Plus, you get to be laid-back and enjoy the Hawaiian sun and the ocean every single day. What could be better? Our captain seemed to really enjoy his job and his life.

But in retrospect, I feel like that would be one of those “be careful what you wish for” moments. Back to the movie: Tom Cruise observed that the Samurai’s daily life was full of work. They cleaned, they cooked, they farmed, and they trained for battle. Everything they did went towards their survival. They worked tirelessly, and did so with a smile on their face. I don’t think they felt that it was fun, but they felt the immense sense of honor that comes with working like that.

So what are we? We go to an office and “work” 8 hours a day, which really consists of about 3-4 hours of actual work on a good day, and the rest filled by bathroom breaks, chatting with coworkers, pointless meetings, and busywork. We come home, whining and complaining about having to work that long, and then we pull out a “meal” of pre-processed crap that we have to put in the oven for 20 minutes, and we complain because we’re a little hungry.

Now, I’m not recommending that you stop going to the supermarket, and I’m not recommending that you quit your meaningless job. That would be a stupid risk if you didn’t have anything else lined up. But not even 100 years ago, daily life was full of work that was not done for a paycheck at the end of the week, but for the survival of your family. It was for the care and feeding of your loved ones. It was for protection against your enemies. It was life.

Let’s pull it all together. That guy that captained our boat seemed happy, but in retrospect, he must not find a whole lot of fulfillment from his job. He gets to relax and help people get some memories from their vacations, but is that all? I could be completely wrong – he could be very fulfilled by it. Or, he may do things in his spare time that give him some honor. I have no idea. But for me, I’d need more.

Instead of floating through life doing miserable work that you get nothing out of and you complain about every day, start taking ownership of your life. Figure out what would be the most fulfilling for you to do with your time, and then start Googling around. Look at some blogs for ideas. There are ways to start doing them on the side, and yes, you have time. Instead of putzing around, leading a fairly meaningless existence in this world, pull yourself and your family together and take charge. Live with honor and respect for yourself, and you will see how happiness follows. Then work won’t feel so much like work anymore.

Three days before, on December 28th, I was standing in the post office lobby reading a certified letter from my landlord informing me that I had five days to catch up on rent or I had to move out. I had put all my eggs into one basket, business-wise, and that basket stopped producing money months prior. I held on as long as I could: my then-fiance exhausted her savings to keep me afloat, my parents had run out of money, and I was completely tapped. I had given up on the business and took a customer service job, working 1:30pm until 10:00pm. I was unhappy, and I was broke. I missed one month of rent and I couldn’t get it back.

Now, I was getting kicked out of my home.

My gracious parents offered up their basement for me to stay in until I could get caught up again. Despite my mom’s terrible allergy to cats, we figured out an arrangement where they would just live down there in the darkness until I got married and could move out. That wasn’t until October.

I was staring down the barrel of a long ten months – working opposite shifts from my fiance and not seeing her much, losing my nights to work and putting off time with friends, working weekends instead of being with my family, and now coming home to a basement every night. As much as I love my parents, it wasn’t what I would call “ideal”. But with no money in the bank and no business left, I didn’t have a choice.

Fast forward to October. I was sitting in a booth of an open-air Italian restaurant overlooking a beautiful golf course at sunset. To my right was my beautiful new wife, and I was sipping Sangiovese as I waited patiently for my lobster tail and New York strip steak plate to arrive. As the cool Hawaiian breeze brushed up against my face, I smiled to myself as I explained to my wife how I never imagined I would have ever gotten to that point.

How happy are you in your life currently? What would you change? Is there something that you sit back and think, “Man, I wish that could be different!” The truth is: it can be. It doesn’t matter where you are in your life. If you are unhappy with something, you can change it. So why don’t you?

For most people, it’s because it’s difficult. Changing your current circumstances often involves a lot of work, a lot of patience, and a bit of sacrifice at times. But the reward is incredibly satisfying.

For me, it involved less time with my fiance, less time with friends and family for a while, and a bit of temporary insanity as I lived in a basement with two cats. But in less than a year, my fiance and I went from broke to having a savings account, a beautiful two-bedroom apartment, a dream Hawaiian vacation (that we paid cash for – no credit cards!), and the freedom and flexibility to allow me to pursue my dream once again. I’m in a situation that I thank God for every night. You can, too.

Allow yourself the imagination to dream up a better situation for you. Then push yourself to achieve it. I’m here – where are you?

[Note: our wedding photographer was the fantastic Andy Stenz. If you need any pictures taken for anything and you are in the Wisconsin/Midwest area, give him a holler. His site is http://www.andystenz.com. In addition, if you would like to see more wedding portraits from my big day, hop on over to http://proofs.andystenz.com and enter "meitner" as the code.]

When I first saw the advertisements for Boardwalk Empire, I got a little excited. This show had some very intriguing elements to it. I’m a fan of Steve Buscemi and the idea of him being in a dramatic role was certainly something that I was interested in. On top of that, it’s about Prohibition and the Roaring Twenties, and that’s a pretty cool period of time to take a look at.

Now, I don’t have cable, so I do not have HBO. The only way to watch this show would be to download the episodes. I was fine with that, as I have a home server set up to stream episodes to my XBox 360 (soon to be my Revo nettop PC, which I’ll post about after I set it up), so I could still watch them in decent quality in my living room.

But as the season got started, I fell behind. I haven’t watched an episode yet. When I went to look and see how many episodes I was behind, I realized I was 5 episodes behind, and they are hourlong episodes to boot.

I was laying in bed last night and I realized something: why should I stress myself out trying to get caught up on this show? I’ve never watched it before, and I don’t want this to turn into some kind of chore.

So I’m not watching it. At least not now.

It’s really easy to get so emotionally involved with a show that you feel like you need to watch it every chance you get. But I have little free time, between a full-time job, a side business, my desire to read, spending time with my wife, and everything else, I just don’t have the desire to push myself to watch yet another show.

I consistently watch The Office, Community, Parenthood, and Mythbusters. Beyond that, I don’t want to suck up all my free time with another show. My solution? Netflix. I’m already a subscriber, so I can wait until the show comes out on DVD and then get the discs in the mail. I don’t spend extra, and I could probably watch them in the summer or some time when my free time isn’t being eaten alive by other stuff.

So why should you care about what I watch?

Well, you shouldn’t. But here’s the point: in order for you to get the most out of your own life, you need to look hard at your priorities. You think you can’t live without watching the news every night or seeing the latest TV show, but you can. I’ve done it for a long time now. I will consume news at my own pace, and where I’m not bombarded by stupid political rants and the latest panic attack. I will watch shows when it is convenient for me, and I don’t care if “everybody’s” talking about it.

Keep your emotions in check. It’s just a TV show. It’s just [fill in the blank]. These things have importance because people are telling you they are important. Make your own priorities and free yourself from the chains of the masses. Trust me – you’ll get a lot more done and be much happier/more relaxed in the process.

As such, I’m a firm believer in pre-marriage counseling. Many marriages end in divorce these days, so I enjoyed taking the necessary steps to ensure a lifetime of commitment with me and my future wife. Pre-marriage counseling was a key cog in that plan. So we sat down for a couple weeks with my pastor and went through various Newlywed Game-esque exercises and discussions on what makes a marriage last – and what keeps a relationship healthy for 50+ years.

At one point, my pastor was discussing some of the excuses for divorce that he’s heard over the years: “I’m just not happy anymore” was a big one. We both nodded, as it’s something we’ve heard from people before. If you’re not happy, why keep punishing yourself? But then, my pastor’s rebuttal was spot-on, and it was one of those moments where I thought, “Ooo! I’m going to add that to my list of blog post ideas…” Here is a paraphrase of what he said: you can choose whether or not to be happy.

Pow. That blows all kinds of holes into that argument, doesn’t it? You have a choice. It’s brilliant thinking, and yet it’s so simple. But so many people overlook this. People seriously underestimate the power of the human brain. If you choose happiness, you will be happier with life.

If you are in a marriage that feels like it’s crumbling, you don’t need to give up on it. That doesn’t mean it’s run its course or anything. Just because you are bored or confused doesn’t mean that it’s time to throw in the towel. This goes for just about anything: job satisfaction, friendships, home life, possessions. And here’s a few tips on how to choose happiness in your own life:

1. Understand that it will be hard. This is the road that few take, so it’s not one that you can just stroll down. You have to march down it with intent. How easy is it to complain about politics? Or about the economy? Or about money? Everybody does it and everyone feeds off of it. But when everybody’s talking about something, how hard is it to change the subject? Depending on who you are with, it can be very difficult. And even if you are on your own, digging yourself out of the “shame spiral” is a giant undertaking. Just because something is easy to do doesn’t mean you have to do it. Choosing happiness is hard work.
2. It is a constant, active choice. You don’t decide to be happy, and then it just happens. You need to actively choose happiness every single day. The day you get lazy with it is the day you notice everything going wrong and you determine how much life sucks. Don’t just assume – choose it. Every day.
3. Mental happiness is directly related to physical happiness. That term, “physical happiness”, is something I just made up as I’m typing this. But physical happiness is the state of your body. Are you in decent shape? Do you feed your body good, healthy fuel every day? Do you exercise? How’s your posture? Do you carry yourself as a confident, happy person? These actions go a long way toward your own happiness. Start acting on them.

I’m going to be one of the happiest guys walking the earth on Saturday afternoon and Saturday night. I will be marrying the love of my life in front of over 300 people that I love. We’re going to party all night long and enjoy each other’s company. A week from today, the two of us will be hopping on a flight to Hawaii for 7 days of bliss. This is all going to be a very happy time.

But it’s temporary. We’re going to come home and settle into married life. We’re going to move in together and be next to each other every night. We’re going to eat nearly all our meals together. Once my business gets back on track and I can start working from home, I will see her even more. Every single day. For anyone, the passive happiness will fade. It will start to need more effort. But instead of falling into some deep depression about the state of my life, I’m going to be paying attention. I’m going to be thanking the good Lord every night for the gifts He gives me, including my wife. I’m going to evolve and change, just like our relationship will. And I’m going to resolve to be happy. That doesn’t mean life will be easy, or that there will be no conflicts. It just means that I am going to pull myself through those conflicts and use my attitude and demeanor as a weapon against misery.

And it’ll work, too – because none of us are going through unique situations. Everyone goes through this stuff. This morning, at church, a couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. A few weeks ago, they were spotted walking out of church holding hands. They’re happy. But I don’t assume for a second that they had an easy go of it. I bet they work at it every single day.