It’s amazing to me sometimes how crippling fear of change can be. You start at an early age: when you do something different from the other kids, they make fun of you (well, they did to me, at least). If all the kids get average grades and you get better grades, they target you. If they are all average at sports and you are terrible at them, they laugh at you. If they all watch a certain show on TV and you don’t, you are an outcast. When that happened to me as a child, I started pulling back on everything and spent a good number of years refusing to be myself out of embarrassment.

Three years ago, I was preparing to move out of my brother’s basement. I had been living with his family in a makeshift apartment and it had reached the point where we were all ready for me to move out. I found a place to move in to and I set about the wonderful task of trying to find stuff for the apartment (i.e., kitchen utensils, various small appliances, and so on). I found myself at Best Buy wandering through the TV section, of all places, and I saw a “sale”: a Dynex 32″ HDTV for $499.

Televisions like these wind up a lot cheaper nowadays, but it was a pretty good deal at the time. Despite having a decent sized TV already, I started thinking about why I should get this thing:

• Well, this whole digital switch is going to happen and my TV will be obsolete anyway, right? I’ll NEED a new TV!
• It’ll be a great long-term investment in my entertainment. When all else fails, at least I’ll have a nice TV in HD!
• I’ll be working from home someday, I’ll want a nice TV to watch when I take breaks!

Oh yeah, and I didn’t have any money. So I whipped out the ol’ credit card and swiped it. And there it was: my glorious, 32″ widescreen HDTV.

Things were great. I was very happy with the quality of this TV, and I went out and charged an XBox 360 to it. I set up a nice HD-DVR through my computer hooked up to it, and life was good. I enjoyed Packer games in HD, The Office in HD, and anything else I wanted. I was working from home and life was grand. Easily, this TV was the best thing I had bought in years.

Then things went south.

I reached a point where I didn’t know where the next dollar was coming from. I had weeks where I struggled through a $10 grocery budget. I had an angry landlord who had to sit while I couldn’t pay the energy bills (and we’re talking winters in Wisconsin). I was prioritizing bills (“Let’s see, if I pay my credit card, I can let my electric bill lapse for a week, they won’t turn it off…”).

Some days I would sit and look at my TV. I’d start thinking about how much it was worth, with sadness knowing that it was worth much less now than when I had bought it anyway. Besides that, the interest had piled up on that purchase, so I have been paying hundreds more for this thing.

After all of that, the nice television offered no comfort. You might think it will – like, once you have it, you’ll enjoy it, even if you’re broke. But you don’t. As much of a TV nut as I am, I couldn’t take solace in having a nice TV when bills weren’t getting paid.

True comfort lies in security and accomplishments. Comfort comes from having a plan. That plan may not work out all the time, and sometimes it may blow up in your face. But you need to approach life with a plan – not with stuff. Stuff can be fun in the short-term, and even in the long-term. I still enjoy my nice HDTV. But before I turn it on, I sit down and make sure that I have the more important parts in my life taken care of.

Don’t pump money into a TV, or a car, or a house as a means of security or a nice feeling inside you. That nice feeling needs to be generated by activity. It can’t be bought.

Look at the cute li’l sunshine! Awwww….

As I type this, it’s Monday morning, and the beautiful sunlight is streaming through my tiny window. It’s the only taste of sunshine I’ll get today without sitting in a car driving to work at my windowless cubicle. I like to think of moments like this as motivation to keep plugging away at the business. It’ll get there…

Here are some of my favorite stuff from around the Web this past week:

Gettin’ crap done

Yes, the little-mentioned “GCD” techniques. I’m always about looking at different ways to approach my workweek.

• 8 Small Habits That Make My Daily Life Simpler, Easier, and More Effective [The Positivity Blog] – The beauty of tips like these is that they don’t require a complete overhaul of your life. I already took time this morning to declutter some stuff (#4), wrote down my goals for the week (#5), and I spent my Saturday morning doing my week’s worth of grocery shopping (#2). Boom.
• on economy [mnmlist] – When you see the word “economy”, you immediately think of government spending. That’s the curse of being an American. Economy actually refers to how effectively you make the most of stuff – and it goes beyond money. Leo shares a few simple words that encourage economy in every part of your life.
• 9 Simple Tips for Getting Rid of a Bad Habit [The Positivity Blog] – Yup, another one from TPB. Destroy your bad habits by involving others, focusing on one at a time, and letting yourself feel a little bit of pain (news flash: pain is okay sometimes!).
• The Hard Truths About Building Your Own Success [Dumb Little Man] – The beauty of following blogs is that, every once in a while, you’ll come across a great post that will totally hit home with your current situation. This one was mine.

Make your body happy, and make your mind happy

What’s life without happiness? Answer: a big ball of suck. Take care of your health and your happiness with these articles:

• How to Be Kinder: 11 Fine Tips [The Positivity Blog] – TPB is just knocking it out of the park this week, folks. If you don’t think you need to be kinder, chances are you need to. Part of being happy is sharing in the joy of others. Life ain’t just about you, my friend. Follow these tips to be a more pleasant person to be around.
• 7 Superpowers You Act Like You Have But Don’t (And How That Messes You Up) [Dumb Little Man] – After re-reading this one, it may be my favorite of the week. Everybody pretends they have these, but you just don’t think about it. Mind control? Precognition? Time travel? I’m guilty of these. What a creative article!
• Getting By Is Worse Than Failing [Location Independent Professionals] – I do a lot of guest posting at this particular blog, and it is geared towards entrepreneurs, but this is great advice for everybody. Taking those risks and falling down a few times is infinitely more beneficial to you than just “getting by”.
• 7 Life Changing Lessons Learned From Walt Disney [Dumb Little Man] – Want to ensure that I’m going to read your article? Put “Walt Disney” in the title. The guy had an incredible attitude about life and business.

Buying stuff and selling stuff

In other words, the art of personal finance:

• Going Up? [The Simple Dollar] – Ah, the age-old argument of “good debt” versus “bad debt”. This is a great article that quickly summarizes the good and the bad (hint: pretty much anything on a credit card is bad debt, and a house isn’t always good debt, but it can be). This article also shows a startling difference between what you want and what you need.
• 8 Life Landmines That Will Blow Up Your Financial Plans [LiveCheap] – We all know disaster will strike us at some point. This article aims to make us aware of these moments, react to them, and proactively live life to prevent these things from happening (or lessening their blow).
• 10 Things You Should Never Pay For [LiveCheap] – It actually kind of scares me how many people pay for this stuff.
• 7 Ways My Clunker Is Smarter Than a Hybrid [Wise Bread] – News flash: hybrids are “better” cars because marketing campaigns are designed to convince you of that fact. Save your cash.
• Fifteen Great Websites That Saved Me Money in 2010 [The Simple Dollar] – Some of these are obvious (Craigslist), but some not so much (Yard Sale Treasure Map). And I’m heading over to PaperbackSwap today to sign up.
• ClickFiller Finds the Best Possible Amazon Filler to Net You Free Shipping [Lifehacker] – I am a huge fan of Amazon, and their free shipping for most orders over $25 is just the icing on the cake. If your order is close, use this tool to put it over the top.
• Four Atypical Things to Do Before You Consider Buying a House [The Simple Dollar] – Figure out why you’re buying a house is a great tip. A better tip is to save like clockwork for two years to get you used to a mortgage. My favorite tip is to start fixing stuff – because you’ll have to.

“Feed me, Seymour!”

Little Shop of Horrors? Anyone?

• 10 Cheap Shortcuts to Making Cooking Oh-So-Much Easier [Cheap Healthy Good] – It amuses me that people think cooking is a lot of work.
• How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Seasonal Produce [Cheap Healthy Good] – Since I started buying from a CSA, I’m learning the value of buying seasonal. There are some great tips here.

Nerdy Stuff

Because that’s why this site exists:

• 8 Reasons To Use Google Chrome As Your Primary Browser [Dumb Little Man] – I wrote a while back about my painless switch from Firefox to Chrome, and I still stand by this browser as the one to beat.
• Five Ways to Make Productive Use of Foursquare (and Not Be Annoying) [Lifehacker] – I know a handful of people that are using Foursquare. It’s an intriguing tool, but it’s too easy to be annoying with it.

There you go! Have any links you liked from this week? Share ‘em, or send them to me for next week’s Pile!

The above is in honor of the Milwaukee Brewers, who just set a franchise record as I type this for the biggest margin of victory in a shutout win over the Pirates, 20-0. Way to go, fellas! We’ve got a lot of ground to cover today, so let’s just get started:

Family Life

Ironically, even though I don’t have kids, I’m fascinated by articles written by parents about how they raise their kids. Here are a couple I saw (plus a marriage one, too):

• Why You Want a Debt-Free Marriage [Simple Marriage] – This is a nice article that tries to help you avoid the problems that come from money issues in your marriage. Amanda and I won’t be debt-free, but we’ll be working our tails off to get there as quickly as possible.
• What Children Can Teach Their Parents [Stepcase Lifehack] – On the flip side of the usual take on parenting, here’s what the older folks can learn from their rugrats.
• Parenting: 6 Myths You Should Know About [Stepcase Lifehack] – My favorite: “#6. Letting your child struggle or get upset is bad parenting.” Too many people think this is truth.

Put a smiiiiile on your faaaaace…

Happiness seems elusive for so many. Check out these great tips:

• Stuff won’t make you happy, experiences will [Unclutterer] – It shocks me how many people don’t realize this. Even if you consciously understand this, do you subconsciously believe it?
• why i won’t be buying an ipad [mnmlist] – This isn’t an anti-Apple article. It’s a common-sense article.
• The Boy and the Sundae [Becoming Minimalist] – This is a really sweet story that teaches a good lesson about giving back to others.

Nerdy Stuff

Time for something a little more technical – but no less practical!

• Ditch Desktop Apps for Webapps, Free Up RAM, and Enjoy the Best of Both Worlds [Lifehacker] – Most of us have a constant internet connection now, and you can do most computing within a web browser without noticing a difference, except your computer will run better. That’s why I use Google Docs, Gmail, Picasa, Google Reader, and Pandora, among other apps.
• Windows Media Player 12 Streams Your Media Library Over The Internet [Lifehacker] – Say what you want about Microsoft, but they continue to just swing for the fences trying to improve their software for our benefits. I won’t say they’re doing fantastic or anything (I still haven’t tried Windows 7, and it is expensive), but WMP12 lets you connect your music and videos to any computer using the same software that everybody has on their Windows computer. That’s pretty cool.
• Why I’m Returning My Apple iPad [Social Times] – Writer Nick O’Neill puts forth the idea that the iPad is not revolutionary and that Apple has missed the boat here. Besides that, he reiterates like everybody else the same thing: we don’t need it.

Make some changes!

Whether it’s in yourself or in the world, we can all agree that a little change would be nice once in a while:

• From the Greats: 6 Tactics to Increase Your Class and Charm [Dumb Little Man] – The old days weren’t perfect, and I wouldn’t want to bring all of it back (sexism, racism, etc.), but people – especially men – carried themselves differently back then. They had respect for themselves, and that’s something we can agree needs to come back.
• Why Rejection Letters are Great [Write to Done] – Yeah, this is about business and writing, but it could easily be called “Why Rejection Is Great”. In other words, rejection puts you one step closer to success.
• the only thing you can change [mnmlist] – Putting big life changes in perspective. If you feel like you’re in over your head, read this one.
• 6 Proven Ways to Make New Habits Stick [Stepcase Lifehack] – Want to go to the gym? Get up earlier? Eat healthier? Start here.
• How to Lose Weight: 6 of My Own Favorite Tips [The Positivity Blog] – Hint: it’s really not that complicated.
• 9 Great Ways to Be Exceptionally Boring [Stepcase Lifehack, again] – This blog really showed me this last week why I kept it in my Google Reader feeds. This is a quick article showing you the habits that make you a bore (and somebody nobody wants to really be around).
• 34 Little Ways to Share With the World [Zen Habits] – The beauty of today’s internet is that anyone can make big changes with small actions. Here are 34 of them.
• Give Up [Rock Your Day] – Stop expecting things to go well all the time. Life doesn’t owe you jack. Then you’ll see some awesome things happen.
• 42 Practical Ways To Improve Yourself [Stepcase Lifehack] – I’m a sucker for any post with the word “practical” in the title, but this one is a great summation of different ways you can make yourself a better person. Pick one that intrigues you and give it a shot!

Money, money, money, money, moneeyyyyyyy…

No list is complete without some money tips. Here are my favorites from the last two weeks:

• Is It Possible to Manage Credit Cards Well? [Christian Personal Finance] – No. No it isn’t. I got ripped to shreds on Facebook the other day for posting a similar anti-credit card article. Makes me sad.
• 10 Ways To Simplify Your Life [Christian Personal Finance] – Here are some great ways to cut out the clutter in your life and make yourself a little money in the process.
• Why Do You Buy? [The Simple Dollar] – This is a remarkable trick: the next time you go to buy something, ask yourself “Why?” five times, just like a little kid. I bet you will wind up saving a little more money.
• 5 Tips For Going Out to Eat on a Budget [Christian Personal Finance] – I am a big proponent of cooking for yourself, but it’s nice to go out to eat once in a while. But don’t blow the bank account when you do by following these tips.
• How To Buy a $5,000 Car [MoneyTalksNews] – We are a nation full of people that pay too much for their cars. Talk about reliability all you want, but you buy the newer car for the flash. Otherwise, we’d all be driving Toyota Corollas or something. If you want to avoid the car payment trap, you need to buy a good used car. This is a great guide.
• Seven Reasons To Care About The Tiny Things (And Seven Tiny Things To Care About) [The Simple Dollar] – Chances are, the tiny things are more controllable than the large things. And they add up.

"Hey, Mom! I got a credit card so that I can build credit. This is going to be a smart move towards my future – a good credit score will mean a nice mortgage and better loan rates!"

"Son, take the credit card and lock it up. Don’t carry it around with you. Only use it for emergencies."

"Aw, I won’t use it. What am I going to buy for $1,000, anyway?"

Then I go bowling and I’m out of cash. "I’ll just put thirteen bucks on the card, who’s that gonna hurt?" Flash forward 5 years: I racked up about $3,000 in credit card debt, got a second job to pay it off, and now I sit with another $8,000 in credit card debt after that.

No matter what I’ve done over the last five years, I’ve constantly succumbed to the lure of the credit card. The problem is, when I see that I have $200 "available" on my card, my mind instantly thinks of stuff I can buy for $200. The first key in getting out of debt is to understand that this is not "available" money; every dollar you put on a credit card is money you have to pay back or creditors will start hunting you down.

In my case, both of my cards, on separate occasions, sent me letters saying they were going to triple my interest rates if I didn’t stop using the card and close it down. Not being able to afford the interest and the payments that were going to come along with them, I had no choice but to close them down. If I used my card even once, they would retroactively charge me for the higher interest rate and I would be screwed.

Each time this happened, I took my cards out of their well-worn spots in my wallet, grabbed a scissors, and split them in half. I keep the pieces in a filing cabinet to remind myself of the pain that these cards have caused me.

How did I survive? I wasn’t making enough to cover my bills. I figured I’d starve, since I wouldn’t be able to put groceries on my credit cards anymore. Here’s what happened:

1. I prioritized my spending. This, for me, meant getting on a budget, but suddenly, I started working on the Four Walls. I had to make sure I understood where my money needed to go, first and foremost.
2. I made some sacrifices. I thought I wasn’t spending on myself, but sure enough, I found little bits and pieces throughout my typical month where I was wasting money. Reigning in this spending allowed me to cover the usual bills that I was using my credit card to pay for.
3. The bleeding stopped. It may not be much, but now I can see some progress made on my accounts. Each card has a few hundred dollars “available", and without the cards, I have no desire to use that "money".
4. I slapped together an emergency fund. To pay for the little emergencies that come my way, I now have some money in the bank to pay for them, should they occur.
5. I went out less. This doesn’t mean my life is somehow less fun. It just means that I’m being responsible with the money I do have, and I make it count when I go out and pay for stuff with cash. I find other ways to bond with my friends, besides going to the bar and opening a tab on the card.

In short, I feel liberated. In the short-term, yeah: things suck a little. But I don’t feel chained to these cards anymore. Cut the cards and cut your chains. Think you "need" them? Think again. Your financial situation is not unique, and other people are dealing with it better than you are. Suck it up and cut ‘em up!

[Note: I was planning to do a podcast today, but I felt this article might have a wider reach if written out. I have a feeling more people would rather read this than listen to my nasally voice for 20 minutes on the issue.]

There are lots of political and personal reasons why I’m not a fan of the Health Care Reform that’s being signed today (and why are we taking this advice from a group of people that hasn’t balanced a checkbook in 50 years?), but the biggest, farthest-reaching one is this: it fixes the wrong problem.

Yeah, health care costs are expensive. It can be difficult getting health insurance. I get that. But why is it so difficult getting health insurance for some people? Because we’re sick all the stinking time. The second we get the sniffles, we pop a pill. I know several people who work in different departments of health care (hi, honey!), and I know for a fact that there are thousands of people who go to the doctor the second they start feeling like crap. They clog up our emergency rooms and flood our doctor’s offices to hear that they have a cold, or those chest pains are just a little acid reflux (guilty of that one).

And the other group are just sick all the time – cancer, heart disease, etc. Is this a by-product of global warming (excuse me, “global climate change”)? Is it because vaccinations are making us sick? Nope – it’s because we don’t make our health a priority and a responsibility in this country. I think those that compare our health care system with those of other countries don’t factor in that many of those countries just flat-out take better care of themselves.

The people supporting this whole reform are assuming a few things about the American public:

• Everybody that doesn’t have health insurance is a victim.
• They’ve just been going about their lives like normal and suddenly get sick.
• They can’t afford health insurance.
• They all work really hard.

These are faulty. Americans, generally speaking, are the laziest bunch of people on the planet. Our priorities are out of whack, and we need to fix them. These are the real problems with the health of our nation:

We blame the system

Are you fat? Oops, I mean, “overweight”? Must be a genetic thing. Or it must be because you just can’t lose any weight. Or it must be because all the skinny people can lose weight like nothing. That’s okay, we have gastric bypass surgeries and things like that. We can shrink your stomach to the size of a peanut and force you to eat less. It may not work, but that’s okay – you can just blame the ineffective surgery. It has nothing to do with the fact that you eat garbage and sit on your can all day.

Hey, if you’re sick all the time, it must be because everybody keeps spreading stuff. It must be that crazy virus that’s sweeping the nation. It must be because you can’t afford medication. It can’t be because you don’t properly fuel your body and your immune system is shot as a result.

We do stupid things

I know it’s obnoxious to write this in all caps, but I’m going to do it anyway: HOW CAN THERE POSSIBLY BE ANYBODY UNDER THE AGE OF FIFTY WITH A CIGARETTE IN THEIR MOUTH?!?!? Is this some big, government secret that nobody’s heard? Smoking destroys your body. There are ZERO health benefits to smoking. I don’t care if it feels good. What in God’s name are we doing? Have you not seen or talked to somebody dying of emphysema or lung cancer because of smoking?

I know that smoking is one of the most addictive activities in the world. And if you’re over 50, chances are you started doing it at a time when nobody knew what was going on with smoking. But if you’re young enough to know better, you have got to be kidding me. It boggles my mind. You’re going to have the nerve to act surprised when the doctor tells you your lungs are shot when you’re 40 years old.

Also stupid things: drinking until your liver pickles, driving without a seat belt on, combining those two activities, etc.

We don’t prioritize health insurance spending

One of the most common examples proponents of the Health Care Reform have are the mother that gets fired from her job, loses her health insurance, and then gets cancer. I would have to assume that this example is by far in the minority.

Did that mother put aside some money for emergencies? Nope, she spent it and racked up her credit card debt on clothes and vacations. Does she have cable TV? Probably. And I wonder what’s in her fridge.

Here’s some full disclosure for you: I had a terrible year, business-wise, last year. I wound up having to go get a part-time job, and eventually a full-time job, to get myself back on my feet financially. My gross business income was $13,000. This is right along the poverty line in America, and I was paying over $600 a month in rent, $200 a month in credit card payments, $400 a month in student loans, and I tend to eat food. But I was able to get health insurance coverage for $60 a month. It wasn’t great coverage, but it was going to take care of me should disaster befall me. You know how much I used to pay for cable? $70 a month. If you have cable TV and no health insurance, you have no excuse in my eyes. Turn off the TV and go take care of yourself.

We sit on our butts

We’ve come to the conclusion that everything we do has to be fun. “I just don’t like exercising.” Well, then don’t complain to me when you’re sick. Exercising helps you lose weight, fights off diabetes and heart disease, and gives you a host of other benefits. I don’t even feel like I need to talk about this one for particularly long. Start going for walks, do some light yoga, run in place, hop on a bike, join some kind of sports team, whatever. Put down the remote and go get your blood moving.

We’re eating crap

I decided before this Health Care Reform thing that I wanted to make this week “Food Week”. I’m currently reading an awesome book by Michael Pollan called In Defense Of Food. In it, he discusses how eating habits in this country have changed over the past 50-75 years, and how disease rates have skyrocketed as a result.

Want an eye-opener? Take a look at the ingredients in that loaf of bread you bought. Water and flour, right? A little yeast? Didn’t expect to see “high fructose corn syrup” in there, didja? We’re going to talk a lot more about food this week, but take some stock in the following questions:

• How often are you going out to eat instead of cooking something?
• How many meals are you making by opening a box and following instructions printed on them?
• When you do go out to eat, where exactly are you eating?
• Compare the time you spend eating your meals and the time you spend eating snacks.
• The World Health Organization says you should only have about 10g of sugar per day. For some reason, in the United States, this number is 25g. A single bag of Skittles (my favorite candy) that you buy at the checkout counter contains 47g. How much sugar do you think is in your diet?

As I said, we’ll discuss food a little more this week, but I want you to really think about what you’re eating – and I’m not talking antioxidants and riboflavin and omega-3s. I’m talking food – vegetables, fruits, unprocessed meats, all that good stuff.

So, I think the problem here is we’re blaming the wrong people. We don’t need to reform the health care system all that much. We need to reform ourselves, and we need to reform our health. Stay tuned – we’ll talk about this more this week.

I’m sitting in my cold apartment, eating yet another lunch of Ramen Noodles. I’m 5 pounds lighter than I probably should be, and my jeans have a big hole in the knee. I climb into my car with one burnt-out headlight and pray the gas will hold out until tomorrow. After seeing how much food I can squeeze out of ten dollars, I return home to hop on the computer and I breathe a sigh of relief.

“Oh good,” I think to myself. “My credit card payment cleared on time.”

Anybody else see what’s wrong with this picture?

This isn’t really that much of an exaggeration, either. Last fall and in the beginning of last winter, this was my life. And you know, it’s actually a portrait of a lot of lives. Today, I’m a couple pounds heavier (it takes a while for me to gain weight – sorry, ladies), my gas tank is full, and my cupboards are far from bare. That’s because the first thing my fiancé and I figured out in our budget was The Four Walls.

Dave Ramsey teaches The Four Walls as the basic needs for living – no matter what, these things need to be covered:

1. Food
2. Shelter
3. Clothing
4. Transportation

Now, you notice he doesn’t say:

1. Going out for steaks
2. A 12-bedroom house with an indoor pool
3. A new wardrobe every other month
4. A $30,000 BMW

Sure, those things are nice, but they’re not basics. For food, you need ingredients for a healthy diet. That means you need to start cooking. Go to Amazon and type in “cooking for beginners” and you’ll get a ton of books that will teach you how to apply heat to food and watch a timer. That’s really all there is to cooking. Heck, my chicken recipe for this week consists of spreading mayo on chicken breast, rolling it in bread crumbs, and putting it in the oven for a little while. And it is some of the tastiest chicken I’ve ever made! Don’t overwhelm yourself at the thought of having to cook. Remember, this is for your health and well-being.

For shelter, find a modest space that you can live in for a while. It may mean having to downgrade a little bit – a smaller space, maybe a place that doesn’t have an on-site gym or pool. Included in there is money to keep the lights and the heat going. This is for the comfort and well-being of you and your family. This could even mean selling your house and renting for a while. It might suck, but it might be necessary if you are struggling to make ends meet. Let’s be realistic about what you can afford. Don’t choose a living space based on emotion.

For clothing, make sure you’re not naked and you’re dressed appropriately for the climate and occasion. Simple stuff.

And for transportation, let’s keep gas in the tank every week and have a modest car that will get you to and from work. Something that runs.

I do listen to Dave Ramsey’s radio show on my Sansa Clip every day, and he gets a lot of calls from hysterical people drowning in debt. To calm them down, he says, “Okay, let’s budget this out – start with the basics” and he walks them through the Four Walls. At the end of it, the person has stopped crying and he says something like, “See? Life seems a little less scary when you know you’re going to eat and keep the lights on, doesn’t it?”

It’s That “Peace of Mind” Thing Again

We learned in grade school what the basics to living were. Yet, somehow, in our Spend-Spend-Spend culture, we’ve gotten away from it and forgotten. All of a sudden, we’re buying crap we don’t need and sacrificing dinners to pay for them. It’s stupid, and I’m just as guilty of it as you are.

When you sit down to put together your budget, take care of those things first. Even if that means you can’t pay a credit card bill right now, you need these things. What good is a decent credit score when you’re eating ham sandwiches in the dark because they turned off your electricity? Life takes on a whole different perspective when the basics are covered. Those are the moments when you think, “You know what? We’re going to be okay.”

And what about that bill that you can’t pay? Well, you may just have to tell them you can’t pay right now. Then you go out and you start working harder to bring in more money. But you have to take care of yourself first. Let the collectors stomp their feet and whine. You need to eat.

I have budgeted $30 a week for groceries for myself. It’s a very liberating feeling to go into the grocery store and have an obligation to myself to spend that $30 every week on food to keep my cupboards full. Having that psychological peace keeps your head on straight when you have to deal with the rest of the garbage of your financial situation. That’s a big key in getting out of it!

So remember: before you pay for anything, put dinner on the table, keep you and your family protected and warm, stay covered up, and get yourself to work and back. Build on that, and you’ve got yourself a solid plan. No amount of debt in the world is worth sacrificing those things from your life.

This is my favorite line in the budget.

Last year, while I struggled financially and professionally, I really didn’t do anything socially. I rarely went out for a drink, I never bought any clothes or anything for myself unless I had to (for example: when my only pair of jeans finally sprouted a hole). As mentioned in the introduction to this series, I rarely took my fiancé out on dates. Sounds pretty miserable, doesn’t it?

I’m not going to tell you to ignore your financial troubles, but you do need to get your mind off of them for the sake of your sanity, right? You need to go see a movie or treat yourself to a new pair of shoes (if you’re into that sort of thing). You need money to blow on stuff. Some people call it “blow money” or “fun money”. We call it “play money”.

Play money is the “no questions asked” line in the budget. It’s the money that my fiancé and I don’t need to explain to each other. As long as we have room in the Play Money budget, we can do whatever we want with it. She can buy more clothes (like she needs them), and I can grab a beer with my Best Man. She can go out to eat with her old friends from high school, and I can buy Bob and Brian albums.

Plus, we can go get a nice dinner together, or spend an off-day at IKEA imagining our future home, or go see a movie. Play money is like a candy bar to a dieter. It’s not something you need in excess, because it will completely derail your diet. But a well-placed candy bar lets you reward yourself for all the hard work you are doing.

It doesn’t have to be a lot, either. My play money is $75 every month. That’s hardly anything that’s going to paint the town red on a regular basis. But I can buy blank DVDs, a good dinner, and a few beers with that money every month.

It Does Two Things, Depending on the Person

To be honest, for my fiancé, it forces her to limit her shopping. She bonds with people over going for pedicures and grabbing a bite to eat and buying a bunch of clothes. And that’s perfectly fine! But now she just has to make sure that day doesn’t turn into $250 out the window. For me, on the other end of the spectrum, it forces me to have a life. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting around by myself because I’ve been broke. Now I can make sure I get together with friends and enjoy my life a little bit.

Ever go out and swipe your card thinking, “I really shouldn’t be doing this…” That type of night really puts a damper on your mood. The Play Money line in your budget liberates you from that by making sure you know exactly how much you can spend. You may have to limit yourself to more low-key activities like buying a case of beer and hanging out with friends at home, but it sure beats sitting at home alone doing nothing or that feeling in your gut when you know you shouldn’t be paying that much while you’re out.

Call it what you want: a spending plan, an income/expenses statement, or even… *GASP* a budget!

So many people need it, yet so few people use one. I didn’t for years. I got on a written budget at the start of the year with my fiancé and it has transformed our lives together. Don’t think you need a budget? Neither did I. In fact, I didn’t think I made enough money for a budget! I get paid every week, I used to pay the bills that are due that week, and then I moved on. Sadly, this is how so many people run their finances, and they don’t make full use of the potential of their money.

A snapshot of a few months ago

We were engaged and panicking. I had just moved back in with my parents and owed my former landlord nearly $1,500 in rent and a mind-numbing amount of fees. I was buried under over $8,000 of credit card debt and tens of thousands of dollars in student loans. My weekly paycheck went to a variety of bills every week, and sometimes I would be left with $15-20 to feed myself for the next seven days. My fiancé worked part-time, covering her bills but any extra expense that came up sent her into a dizzying panic. We were stressed and we found ourselves seemingly at each others’ throats when talking about money. We had a feeling of "treading water": we were covering our lifestyles, but we just weren’t making any progress. We literally never went out on dates because we had no money – we spent our time hanging out in each other’s living rooms watching DVDs.

Oh yeah, and we have a giant wedding coming up in October.

Flash forward to today: our bills are covered comfortably. We have $1,000 in cash in a savings account for emergencies. We have a fund set up (and $100 away from being finished) to cover a security deposit and first month of rent whenever we decide to get ourselves an apartment later this year. We have a hall booked, a limo paid for, a photographer hired, a cake lady booked, music equipment scheduled, and about $1,200 in our Wedding Fund to pay for reservation fees and start building for dinner and the honeymoon (the two biggies). And between the wedding and other debts, we’ve paid off over $8,000 in a little over two months.

Our incomes have both grown – not dramatically, but they are picking up momentum and they continue to grow. Our conversations about money are filled with excitement instead of stress and anger. Our unexpected expenses have been covered every time. I’m eating well and consistently have $30 every week to spend on food. Once or twice a month, she and I go out on a date – last month we went out to a nice dinner and in January we drove to Schaumberg, Illinois to spend the day at the IKEA store (and followed that with dinner). Activities like that would have been unheard-of in December.

We’re about as happy as we can be at this stage in our relationship. Our secret to this wild change of events: in the second week of January, she and I sat down and put together a written budget.

Sounds ridiculous, right? Well, personal finance isn’t just about numbers – it’s about behavior. And putting together the budget has a drastic effect on your behavior. Here are just a few of the psychological benefits we’ve enjoyed since writing down a budget:

Motivation

One of the first things we did was line up all our debts, smallest-to-largest. This is to use Dave Ramsey’s "Debt Snowball" method of paying things off. I’m not going to sit and talk about Dave this whole week, because that would get pretty annoying. But writing down everything that we owe was a giant smack in the face for us. We listed our cars, our student loans, my credit cards, our budgeted wedding expenses, and even our little store credit cards. Whenever we need motivation to keep pushing forward, we look at our Debt Snowball and remind ourselves to keep going. And if you don’t want to do the Debt Snowball, no problem – but line up your debts and take a look at them. It’s imperative that you see exactly where you are financially.

Peace of mind

A few months ago, any time spent in a store would involve my brain imagining a chalkboard with numbers like the one in Good Will Hunting. I had to figure out how much I could spend, how much I needed, where the money needed to go, where I could borrow from, etc. It was a nightmare. Then I would wind up back at home, ready to enter in my receipts, only to discover I didn’t factor in one bill that throws my whole week off. All of a sudden, I’m calling my parents and my brothers to borrow money! Today, I know exactly how much I can spend, and I do it without having to think one bit, because I know everything else is covered.

The antidote to laziness

This goes along with motivation, but remember how I said our income has gone up? I’ve started hitting the phones hard, cold calling during the day to drum up some business while I work second shift 40 hours a week. She picks up extra days at the hospital and added babysitting on Mondays. As business grows and she gets picked up full-time, we’re going to keep bringing in more money. As they say, "The world belongs to those who hustle."

Better health

Having money to eat is a good thing. Having money to eat something that isn’t Ramen Noodles is even better. We get sick less often, and we can’t afford to go to the doctor all the time, so we make sure we are taking care of ourselves. This means cooking basic meals and exercising at least a few times a week. This results in more energy to keep us going throughout this process and we feel better while we do it.

We’re happier

We spend more time laughing and smiling around each other instead of stressing. Our demeanors towards our families and friends are much more pleasant. In summary: we aren’t freaking out so much.

Now, it’s not just the magic of writing down a budget – you have to stick to it, and that can mean a few other things:

• It’s humbling. Lining up your debts means taking a good, hard look at yourself and how you’ve managed (or mismanaged) your money over the years. Sometimes that can be a huge wake-up call. Check your ego at the door before you get started with this process.
• It’s hard. Guys, this stuff isn’t easy. You have to force yourself into some self-control. That means maybe cooking a little more often than you usually do, or staying in and coming up with creative ways to entertain yourselves instead of blowing money on dates twice a weekend. You need to change how you live your life to get yourself out of the mess you are in.
• It involves sacrifice. As I write this, my fiancé and I are in the middle of what may turn into an entire week without seeing each other. We both work this weekend, and we work opposite shifts – she works first-shift, and I work second-shift. By the time I’m done with work, she’s in bed. It can be taxing on us, but we constantly remind ourselves that we are setting ourselves up for success down the road. Plus, weeks like these only come around once in a while, so we know we’re not sacrificing the ENTIRE relationship!

So, all this week, I’ve got secrets to making a budget that’s going to work for you. I’m not going to force a bunch of methodologies on you – these are flexible tips: things you can apply, but in your own way and appropriate for your situation. They’re things everybody needs and can do, regardless of whether or not they think they can. I hope you join me along the way, and heck, bring a few friends or loved ones along with you! If you’ve got some feedback on a tip, drop it in the comments for all of us!

Time for another edition of Big Pile o’ Links, where I feature some of my favorite links and groups of articles from all over the wonderful world we call “The Internet”:

Yes, Cooler People Can Use Evernote, Too!

Ah, Evernote. It’s one of the most useful and versatile programs/cloud storage ever, and yet so few Cooler People use it. It’s not just for tech bloggers and people with lots of crap to write about – it’s also incredibly useful for normal people in their day-to-day lives. I use mine every day, and I can’t tell you how useful it has been at the office, at home, or even running around. Here are some great links from recent times that list a bunch of great, easy ways you can start using Evernote more often in your life:

• How Much Do I Love Evernote? Let Me Count The Ways… [via lyndamk] – 7 ways to use Evernote and 10 reasons why you should.
• How To Use Evernote: 21 Creative Uses [via Christian Personal Finance] – My friend Bob runs down a bunch of killer ideas for any Cooler Person!
• Searching Through Evernote With Google Chrome [ via The Evernote Blog] – If you’re a Chrome user like me, you want to check out this sweet tip.

Get Yourself On Track To a Better Life

Job got you down? Feel like you’re headed the wrong way? Here are a handful of great articles (and one AWESOME documentary!) to help you make some changes:

• The Ultimate Formula For Success [via Copyblogger] – It amazes me how many people overcomplicate this formula. Seriously, people.
• Do You Make These 3 Common Mistakes When Trying to Improve Your Self-Confidence? [via The Positivity Blog] – Everybody takes time to try and feel a little more confident, right? So where are you going wrong? Hit the link to find out.
• cherished mementos [via mnmlist] – One of my new favorite blogs shows you how to get rid of clutter without getting rid of the memories.
• Lemonade: A Free, Must-Watch Documentary to Inspire You [via My Two Dollars and Hulu] – Ever been laid off? These people have. Instead of letting it crush them, they took some chances – and with the support of their families, friends, and children that depended on them, they built lives worth living. It’s funny, it’s entertaining, and it’s absolutely gripping. I watched it on my break at the office one night and I immediately knew I’d be sharing it here. Hit the link to watch the trailer and then follow through to Hulu to watch the full 40ish-minute documentary. It’s well worth your time.
• 29 Semi-Productive Things I Do Online When I’m Trying to Avoid Real Work [via Marc and Angel Hack Life] – Who knew the internet has so many ridiculously useful things to do? Learn something, inspire yourself, and be productive, even when you’re not being productive.

Money, money, money, money, moneyyyyyyyy…

It makes the world go ‘round. Here’s a quick handful of resources to further your knowledge on the subject:

• Thoughts on Post-Purchase Rationalization [via The Simple Dollar] – I did it with my $500 recliner. I did it with my first Zune. I did it with my mattress set. Heck, I even did it with my car! I bet you do it too.
• New Credit Card Rules: Who Really Benefits? [via Wise Bread] – The cold, hard truth on this stuff. Yeah, credit cards still suck, guys.
• FillerItemFinder Helps You Secure Free Amazon Shipping [via Lifehacker] – My favorite site shows you an awesome tool to help you round out the last $2.73 you need to qualify for free Amazon shipping.
• "Superman Syndrome" Revisited: Money and Self-Esteem [via The Simple Dollar] – When I got out of credit card debt the first time, I celebrated by taking my family out to an expensive dinner. I paid for it with my credit card. Yup, I’m guilty of this stuff too.

And of course, a few of my favorite randoms:

• How Can I Ditch Cable and Watch My TV Shows and Movies Online? [via Lifehacker] – A giant list of sites and tools to help you score all the free entertainment you want (legally). I’m still struggling to figure out why anybody is still paying for cable, I really am. Mom, Dad, and the kids can all find something here.
• 16 Things Your Lawyer Won’t Tell You [via Wise Bread] – Spoiler: one of them is “You don’t need me.”
• Flavors.me Is a Simple and Elegant Personal Portal [via, yep, Lifehacker] – A really slick online way to share all your info, like a business card (but much, much cooler).
• ZipList Creates Sharable Grocery Lists from Thousands of Recipes [via Mashable] – Share the grocery lists with the other shoppers in the house, and make building them DEAD SIMPLE.
• Ubuntu 10.04 to Include Built-In Music Store [via Lifehacker] – Geez, I miss Linux.
• Set Up a Fully-Automated Media Center [via Lifehacker again] – You bet I’m doing this after the wedding. It’s like a fully-fucntioning, open-source DVR system with movies and TV shows, and infinitely better-looking.
• FillAnyPDF Lets You Electronically Fill and Sign Any Form [I’m thinking of just making a Lifehacker section next time] – Need to sign something? Ditch the scanner and the fax machine and just use this thing. I’ve been using Photoshop, but this is a great way too.

Phew! There you go! Another Big Pile o’ Links for your pleasure. If you have an article or site or tool or whatever that you want featured in the Big Pile o’ Links, send it my way at tom@thepracticalnerd.com (it doesn’t have to be yours either, just something you like!).