I don’t feel bad for people who are drowning in debt – and I don’t expect sympathy from people regarding my debt, either. But people who are constantly on edge or stressed out might reward themselves with a vacation because they’ve been so stressed out lately and they’ve been “really good” about not shopping so much. But are those breaks deserved?

Another example: somebody is trying to lose 25 pounds. They work out every day and eat right. After a few weeks, they’ve lost 3 pounds and they “reward” themselves by going out to eat for fast food.

A personal example: I am spending long hours rebuilding my business when I am not at the office. I am sending emails, sales letters, making follow-up calls, and doing everything in my power to get the ball rolling again. Do I deserve a day off?

My argument is no. Why?

You haven’t accomplished your goal.

Rewards are for people who accomplish something. If you haven’t accomplished your goal, you don’t deserve the reward. If you are struggling to get a job, all your energy in all your free time needs to be dedicated to getting a job – pounding the pavement, sending resumes, calling everybody you send resumes to, getting in every interview possible, reading recent books about how to get a job… you get the idea?

Are you tired? Start figuring out ways to work smarter and not harder. Maybe you aren’t maximizing your effectiveness. Or maybe you are just putzing around too much and need to get serious. Eliminating these little rewards and focusing on the goal may give you a kick in the pants to start making real progress instead of “kinda-sorta-doing it”.

The reward pushes you farther away from your goal.

Eating a big unhealthy meal is calories that you have to work off. Taking a day off from the job search or building the business means one more day you have to spend unhappy in your professional life. Splurging on something because you have been paying off debt means slowing down your debt repayment, and keeping you in debt for longer.

You’re not taking solace in a job well done.

There was a time when the joy of hard work was the knowledge that you accomplished something. When I send out a batch of emails after working on them for a couple hours, I can take a second to revel in the fact that I just made contact with a bunch more businesses. I just got another step closer to my goal.

Instead of the need for a “reward”, start taking joy in your work. It’ll be much more fulfilling, and it will really motivate you to keep pushing towards your goal.

You’re letting somebody else reach your goal before you.

When you are running a race, you’ll pass checkpoints: parts of the race that remind you of how far you’ve run. If I’m running a 3-mile race and I reach the 1-mile checkpoint, I can’t stop and get a drink of water. I can’t take a nap because I’m tired. If I do, everybody else will pass you and reach the finish line first.

If you are currently in the middle of a job search, every day that you spend sitting around is a day that somebody else is getting a job. You know why? Because they spent their free time differentiating themselves and aggressively marketing themselves. They got the job while you were sitting around.

Every day that I spend doing nothing is a day when a different freelance copywriter or marketing firm gets the client I wanted. I can’t stop running the race just because I’m a little tired. I might as well not be running the race.

In the end, you do need to take breaks – but make them small ones. Physically and emotionally, you don’t need the whole day off – go take a walk for half an hour and then get back to work. You don’t need a big unhealthy meal – but you can reward yourself with a small piece of cake or something for dessert. The problem lies in getting carried away with your rewards, and turning them into reasons why you’re in your mess to begin with.

Teenagers are stupid. It’s a fact of life. I was stupid when I was a teenager. When I have kids and they grow up, they’ll be stupid when they are teenagers too. Teenagers are stupid because they’re at a point in their lives where they are transforming into adults – they’re not kids anymore. So they are relying on life experience to make decisions (and they don’t have a whole lot of experience, if any). They want to be treated as adults, but they fall into a bunch of traps that every teenager falls into.

But when did adults start becoming as stupid as teenagers? I can give a teen a pass on being stupid sometimes because they don’t know any better, but big portions of our adult lives are being wasted because we’re being stupid. Also, keep in mind that I’m just as guilty of some of these things - I’m not pointing fingers. But we need to shape up, because adults don’t need to be in these traps:

Stupid Media Fad Obsessions (Twilight, American Idol, etc.)

Notice I said “obsessions”, not “interests”. I am not one to judge – if you like Twilight, great. I don’t really get it, but that’s fine. I like Phineas and Ferb. It’s cool. But what scares me is the number of grown women in my office that talk about how they are going to marry Robert Pattinson and how they spend all their free time reading/watching Twilight. When I go to a Christmas concert at my former high school, I shouldn’t have to see a 40+ year old women wearing a sweatshirt with Edward’s face on it.

People, you look ridiculous. Enjoy a movie, that’s fine. If you like a little mindless entertainment, no big deal. But let it stop there. Focus more on reality. Let the teenagers swoon. Take down the posters and stop buying the “Team Jacob” t-shirts. You’re being stupid.

The same goes for shows like American Idol. Stop texting in votes and living and dying by the results. Enjoy the contest and leave it at that. In the past, there have been plenty of obsessions, but the teenagers were the ones that stuck with those. As adults, we know better. It costs too much time and money to work your life around this crap.

Facebook

When I signed up for Facebook six (!) years ago, it was only open to college students. You needed a college email address, and the whole point was to network with other college students. It was great to keep in contact with friends you went to high school with who were going to school farther away. Then they opened it up to high schoolers. Then they opened it up to the general public.

Then the parents joined in.

All of a sudden, Facebook became a place for people of any age to waste massive amounts of time. Instead of getting together to play games, people sit on Facebook for hours playing games with people that live less than 20 minutes away.

Hey, Facebook is not real life. It’s a place to share some photos and crack a few jokes with friends. If you are wondering whether or not you spend too much time on Facebook, just count how many things you’ve commented on or “liked” in the past week. If you can’t count how many, you’re on it too much. Facebook has become a giant, cluttered mess. We would all do ourselves a service by taking a break from it for a day or two at a time.

Phones

Ever been talking with someone and they pull out their phone to check their email or send a text? It’s annoying, isn’t it? (Guilty.) Remember when you hung out with somebody and you actually paid attention to them? The same goes for apps. People sit next to each other at bars and sit on their freaking phones, playing around with their little doodads and whatnots. I do it sometimes – I have a Blackberry Curve with plenty of stuff on to play around with. But the “constant contact” that we have with each other is causing in-person relationships to suffer. Stop giving up your life to these things.

These are only three, but there certainly are more. If you want some good ideas on how to live life like an adult, read 25 Men Who Cultivated Both Mind and Body. You don’t have to be a man to be inspired by these guys that spent their time keeping themselves in shape and furthering their minds. Let’s give more workouts to our brains and the rest of our bodies. You’ll be healthier and happier as a result. Leave the stupidity to the teenagers – act your age.

Obviously, given the title of this blog, I’m a staunch defender of nerdity and all that nerdness has given the world. I want everyone to be a nerd, but if you think of the picture above as the only definition of nerd, than you are just not broadening your view far enough. This is my definition:

Nerd. n. Somebody who does thinks different from the mainstream (or the “Cooler People”).

Now I’m not referring to dressing different or getting tattoos or whatever “rebel” moves you’re thinking of. I’m talking about taking a different approach to life – one that you define. This is a life that is determined by the choices you make, not what some advertising agency wants you to think. It’s a life that is molded by your actions, not your purchases. Let’s dive in to why being a nerd is just flat-out awesome:

1. Nerds save more money.

There are Cooler People in this world that spend a couple hundred bucks on an iPod or a Zune with dozens of gigabytes’ worth of space on it for movies and music and games, load it up full of crap, and only use it to listen to the same 40 songs. I’m guilty of it at one point in my life. I’ve never been more liberated to have my Sansa Clip Plus, that holds plenty of music for me to listen to and only cost me $40.

Cooler People see a sale on HDTVs and run out and buy one, not realizing they could buy an off-brand online with free shipping (quality determined by the consumer reviews) and the same quality for hundreds of dollars less.

Cooler People go out to eat every night because it’s “fun”. Nerds cook delicious meals at home and save $20 a meal. And we love it.

2. Nerds make more money.

Cooler People graduate from college, go out to get a job, fail, go to graduate school, rack up more student loans, fight to get an entry-level job, work 40 hours a week, get 2 weeks of vacation a year, complain about their boss, struggle to pay their bills, hope they don’t get fired, and retire at 65.

Nerds look for ways to make more money and build their own business and lifestyle. We look for ways to leverage our skills into more income. Eventually, we build the business we want and have true happiness and a work/life balance that we are content with, all because we put the grunt work in at the beginning.

3. Nerds are healthier.

Remember that cooking thing I was talking about? Cooler People hate cooking. They look at it as a chore and they’re “just not good at cooking”. They buy heavily-processed food in packages with splashy colors and buzzwords like “organic”, “natural”, and “NO FAT!” Nerds buy produce and staples and they create meals that Cooler People would kill for. We feed our bodies with fuel that makes us feel better and live longer.

Cooler People spend $50/month to go to the gym 2-3 days a week. They have detailed workout plans and logs and use the elliptical machines with their iPods. Nerds park far from the doors in parking lots so they can walk more. Nerds take the steps once in a while. Nerds get out and play and get natural exercise. We have fun with our workouts.

4. Nerds can make new uses for stuff, lengthening shelf life.

Yesterday, I was in the pool with my family. My brothers and I had been swimming around, having fun. Then my oldest brother grabbed one of the inner tubes and threw it at me. This turned into a 3-man game of human ring toss. Cooler People would have laid around on the inner tube or went out and bought some cool floating game or basketball set. They would have bought and set up a big volleyball net. Nerds can find creative ways to breathe new life into stuff, like our computers, for example.

5. Nerds have cooler stuff because they create it for cheap.

Want a cool home theater where you can access your movie library from anywhere in the house? A Cooler Person might pay thousands to buy a specially-made system. A nerd throws a giant hard drive into an old computer and sets it up to stream to any computer or game console in the house for under $100. Cooler People buy Tivo subscriptions or expensive DVRs. Nerds can spend a few bucks and set up a DVR through their computers and record high-definition television over-the-air.

6. Nerds get good-looking women.

In October, I get to marry a hottie. Need I say more? (And you lady-nerds out there can get some good-looking dudes, too!)

7. Nerds are more relaxed.

Cooler People let the problems of their lives dictate how they spend their time. They react to things that happen to them. They panic. Nerds have a game plan. We have emergency funds for financial disasters instead of high-interest credit cards. We make to-do lists every week so that we know things are getting done. We prioritize the things that matter, so life is a joy instead of a complicated mess.

8. Nerds are respected.

People ridicule Microsoft, but Bill Gates is revered. The scientists that design the latest gadgets and gizmos are nerds. The animators that created Toy Story 3 (one of the finest pieces of filmmaking in the last 10 years) are nerds. The people that work hard and make the most of the opportunities given to them are nerds.

9. Nerds have changed.

There was a time when Louis Skulnick was the poster boy for nerds. The Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons was a classic nerd. But now, the nerd is something different. The nerd is a creator, not a consumer. The nerd grabs life by the horns and forces it to be what her or she wants it to be. Instead of being a Cooler Person and taking on massive amounts of debt to live a lifestyle that other people tell you to live, buck the trends and start learning how to really live life the way you truly want to live it. That’s when you unlock the awesomeness that is being a nerd.

• You can’t get out of debt without knowing what got you there in the first place.
• You can’t lose weight without knowing how you got fat.
• You can’t have a happy marriage without figuring out what’s making you miserable.
• You can’t get an “A” on that exam without figuring out what you don’t know.

In chapter 7 of the book of Matthew, The Bible says you need to yank that giant hunk of wood out of your eye before pointing out that piece of sawdust in somebody else’s. In the same vein, you can’t point fingers at the problems without looking inward and figuring out what you’re doing wrong. So stop sitting around blaming the problems for your misery and figure out where the problem REALLY lies. You might be surprised to find that it might be you. Just entertain the idea – humor it – and you are going to unearth some big developments in your problem-solving.

Three years ago, I was preparing to move out of my brother’s basement. I had been living with his family in a makeshift apartment and it had reached the point where we were all ready for me to move out. I found a place to move in to and I set about the wonderful task of trying to find stuff for the apartment (i.e., kitchen utensils, various small appliances, and so on). I found myself at Best Buy wandering through the TV section, of all places, and I saw a “sale”: a Dynex 32″ HDTV for $499.

Televisions like these wind up a lot cheaper nowadays, but it was a pretty good deal at the time. Despite having a decent sized TV already, I started thinking about why I should get this thing:

• Well, this whole digital switch is going to happen and my TV will be obsolete anyway, right? I’ll NEED a new TV!
• It’ll be a great long-term investment in my entertainment. When all else fails, at least I’ll have a nice TV in HD!
• I’ll be working from home someday, I’ll want a nice TV to watch when I take breaks!

Oh yeah, and I didn’t have any money. So I whipped out the ol’ credit card and swiped it. And there it was: my glorious, 32″ widescreen HDTV.

Things were great. I was very happy with the quality of this TV, and I went out and charged an XBox 360 to it. I set up a nice HD-DVR through my computer hooked up to it, and life was good. I enjoyed Packer games in HD, The Office in HD, and anything else I wanted. I was working from home and life was grand. Easily, this TV was the best thing I had bought in years.

Then things went south.

I reached a point where I didn’t know where the next dollar was coming from. I had weeks where I struggled through a $10 grocery budget. I had an angry landlord who had to sit while I couldn’t pay the energy bills (and we’re talking winters in Wisconsin). I was prioritizing bills (“Let’s see, if I pay my credit card, I can let my electric bill lapse for a week, they won’t turn it off…”).

Some days I would sit and look at my TV. I’d start thinking about how much it was worth, with sadness knowing that it was worth much less now than when I had bought it anyway. Besides that, the interest had piled up on that purchase, so I have been paying hundreds more for this thing.

After all of that, the nice television offered no comfort. You might think it will – like, once you have it, you’ll enjoy it, even if you’re broke. But you don’t. As much of a TV nut as I am, I couldn’t take solace in having a nice TV when bills weren’t getting paid.

True comfort lies in security and accomplishments. Comfort comes from having a plan. That plan may not work out all the time, and sometimes it may blow up in your face. But you need to approach life with a plan – not with stuff. Stuff can be fun in the short-term, and even in the long-term. I still enjoy my nice HDTV. But before I turn it on, I sit down and make sure that I have the more important parts in my life taken care of.

Don’t pump money into a TV, or a car, or a house as a means of security or a nice feeling inside you. That nice feeling needs to be generated by activity. It can’t be bought.

[Not my leg.]

When was the last time you thought about how great walking is? It’s an incredible gift, isn’t it? You probably aren’t really thinking about it much. Allow me to explain.

I have a significant number of plantars warts on my right foot. Since starting my job, I’ve been going to the corporate clinic to have them treated. I’ve had them for nearly 10 years and nothing has gotten rid of them. I had only gone one other time to a doctor to work on them, and it cost me several hundred dollars, so I never went back for follow-up. This clinic is part of our company and it only costs $10 and appointment. It’s a sweet deal, and I want to be able to be barefoot and confident when I hit the Hawaiian islands in October. Two weeks ago, I had treatment #3.

For those who don’t know how you get rid of warts, basically you take a scalpel and cut off all the calloused skin protecting the wart. Then you freeze the crap out of the suckers so that the virus dies. Because mine are so old, they run pretty deep, so this process usually involves a little bit of blood and a fair amount of pain. The freezing part basically feels like getting stabbed in the foot the longer it goes on.

So I usually walk out of the doctor’s office with what somewhat amounts to several open wounds on the bottom and side of my foot. I limp for a day or two, and then it’s fine. But after treatment #3, I noticed the pain was getting worse. We had bandaged up the foot because it had bled quite a bit, and in the evening, I decided to peel back the bandage to check out the damage. To my surprise, I noticed that a large blood blister had begun to form right on the bottom of my foot. This blister would eventually swell to the size of a quarter and jut out about 1 cm off the bottom of my foot.

All right, you can stop shuddering. It’s not that gross.

Anyhoo, I was able to limp home that night, but when I woke up in the morning, it had swelled so much that I could not physically walk on my foot. I could hop along on my heel, but my heel bone didn’t like that too much. So, I had to bust out my dad’s old crutches and rely on those for four days, until the swelling went down enough that I could limp on it.

During that time, I realized what a gift the ability to walk really is. It’s one of those “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”-type abilities. All of a sudden, what was once a minor activity turned into a big project:

• Going upstairs to use the bathroom or cook
• Walk to and from the bathroom at work (I drink a lot of water at work, so this one is pretty significant to me)
• Going down a flight of stairs to get a cup of water at work
• Getting groceries
• Just stopping at a store to pick up something
• Getting food and drink from my kitchen area to my living room area
• Driving anywhere

All of these things became ten times more difficult, just because I couldn’t put weight on one of my feet. It’s amazing the things you don’t think of as gifts until they are taken from you. Of course, people in wheelchairs or young babies who still haven’t figured it out know the frustration caused by not being able to walk. But the rest of us don’t always appreciate that.

Think about the different abilities and gifts that you have been given that you may not even think about anymore. A few generations ago, some of these gifts weren’t even there:

• The ability to run down to the store and pick up food, rather than relying on your own harvest or hunting skills
• The ability to set foot on any part of the world within 24 hours or so
• The ability to propel a car many miles using just your foot
• Access to millions of computers and databases through the Internet
• The control over the atmosphere and environment in your house, regardless of the weather outside
• Being able to walk to the faucet and grab a drink of clean, fresh water whenever you feel like

And these are just a few. Take a little time to appreciate the little joys in life instead of complaining about the rest of it. Oh, and I had my 4th treatment yesterday, and it looks like another blister is forming. I guess I’ll be really appreciative once this ordeal is over…

There is just a crapload of good stuff in today’s Pile. Let’s dig in!

The (Practical) nerdy stuff

• The Hassle-Free Guide to Ripping Your Blu-Ray Collection [Lifehacker] – I’m a huge fan of digitizing DVDs and storing them on a secure, backed-up hard drive. I’m actually in the process of doing this again. But I had no firm instructions on backing up Blu-Rays. Here you go. This one went into my Evernote, and it should go into yours, too!
• Use Google Maps’ Starred Locations To Find Your Car [Lifehacker] – Most Blackberries, iPhones, Androids, and others have GPS capabilities now. This would work really well with my Blackberry Curve when parking in big, confusing parking lots. Slick idea!
• Why You’re Hooked On Email, and 5 Ways To Stop [Dumb Little Man] – One of the most glorious days of my life was when I stopped getting pop-up notifications of my e-mails. That’s just one way to cut down on this time-suck.
• How to Return Facebook’s Privacy Settings to What You Signed Up For [Lifehacker] – Facebook is getting very close to jumping the shark with me. How about you?
• The Realities Of Dropping Cable [The Simple Dollar] – It just makes me happy to see other people doing the same.
• The Set-It-and-Forget-It Guide to Never Missing Important Events [Lifehacker] – TV shows, movies, concerts, events, birthdays, money, cell phone minutes, job hunting… yeah, you need this.
• Clean Up Your Photo Collection With Free Tools [Lifehacker] – Geez, a lot of Lifehacker articles, as usual! I’m also a big proponent of digitizing your photo collection (again, to a backed-up, secure hard drive). Make it easier and more awesome with this guide.

A ridiculously giant pile of money articles

• A Cheapskate’s Advice on Affording Anything You Want [Lifehacker] – Personal finance takes thought. Not a whole lot of it, but some.
• Think the iPad Will Save You Money on Magazines? Think Again! [Wise Bread] – I held my first iPad the other day. It’s very nice and very slick. But it’s a toy. An incredibly expensive toy. Those that think it will save you money are fooling themselves.
• Three Passive Barriers I Use to Counter Consumerism [Get Rich Slowly] – A short video from Adam Baker demonstrates how to keep control of your spending mentally.
• 5 Ways To Save Money With Online Banks [Christian Personal Finance] – I’m a huge fan of my checking account with ING Direct, and this is a great list for those considering it.
• My Checklist to Financial Freedom [Christian Personal Finance] – Again, personal finance is not complicated. It just takes time and a little thought.
• Calling BS on 5% Rewards Advertising [Wise Bread] – This is a great, well-researched article that blows open the idea that you are getting 5% cash back on your credit card.
• How Large Should Your Emergency Fund Really Be? [Christian Personal Finance] – It’s an interesting debate, and there are plenty of arguments. However, what’s most important is that you have one.
• Looking The Wrong Way [The Simple Dollar] – An interesting view: we have a hard time fighting debt because we can’t actually see it or use it.
• Debt Consolidation and The "Orbital of Stupid" [The Simple Dollar] – Here’s what debt consolidators say: “Give us your money and we’ll manage it for you. You don’t have to change a thing.” But smart people know that the only way you will beat debt is by changing up your lifestyle and socking money at it. Knock off the consolidation. It doesn’t work.

Health: Physical, Mental, Social. It’s all important

• Anyone Can Spend Less for Food [Wise Bread] – I learned this on my own. Food, at its core, is not expensive. Processed food is what kills your budget.
• How to Improve Your Social Life: 6 of my Favorite Timeless Tips [The Positivity Blog] – I’m a firm believer that everyone should actively work on their social lives. Continue working hard to be a better friend.
• Newsflash: There Is No Magic Bullet [Dumb Little Man] – Easily my favorite post of the past couple of weeks. I struggle with this sometimes. It’s crucial to understand that any measure of success will take time and sacrifice. You’ll get there. So will I.
• How to Reboot Your Sleep Cycle and Get The Rest You Deserve [Lifehacker] – I’ve been caught countless times in webs of insomnia. This is a great article to get you back on track if you do the same.
• 10 Essential Kitchen Items for The Healthy Cook [Cheap Healthy Good] – Cooking healthy, like personal finance, doesn’t take a whole lot.
• Slow Down and Enjoy Relationships [Zen Habits] – Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc. It’s time we start savoring our relationships instead of passing them by en route to somewhere else.
• 6 Reasons Why People Don’t Change, and What to Do About That [The Positivity Blog] – You want to change, but “can’t”, right? Yes, you can. Try these.
• Is The News Making You Sick? [Simple. Organized. Life] – I hate the news. I never watch it. Crime rates are down and the economy is on the mend. All you see on the news are tragedies, murders, kidnappings, and doom. Turn it off and get your news on your own. You’re better off.
• The Cost of Negativity [The Simple Dollar] – You’re losing time and money by being a cranky old butt. Knock it off and find some solutions.
• 7 Must Read Life Lessons From Abraham Lincoln [Dumb Little Man] – Smart guy, that Abe.
• Discipline Outdoes IQ in the Long Run [Lifehacker] – You think you just got a bad break? Get down to business and quit whining, and you can go places.
• 4 Ways to Spend Time With Kids When You Have No Time [Stepcase Lifehack] – Another great parenting article for struggling parents in the modern age.
• 11 Reasons Why You Aren’t Getting Results [Stepcase Lifehack] – Feel like you’re spinning your wheels in the mud? There might be a reason why.
• What Is Manliness? [The Art of Manliness] – Hint: it’s not abs.
• Finding The Fire: Nine Things I Do To Make Each Day Great [The Simple Dollar] – You have more control over your day than you realize.
• Top 10 Ways To Upgrade Your Morning Routine [Lifehacker] – Are you getting up, limping along, sucking down coffee, and sitting at your computer? Get moving and jumpstart your day.
• 7 Harsh Truths That Will Improve Your Health [Dumb Little Man] – My favorite? “#1. Nobody is responsible for your health but you.”

That’s it! Enjoy – and feel free to share your favorites in the comments below!

Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. We can be happy and accept those things that at present we can’t control, while we focus our efforts on the things that we can.

- Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

The Beatles knew it. Sometimes, we all need help. But asking somebody to give us a hand can really feel like pulling out your own teeth sometimes, doesn’t it? I’m a fiercely independent man. I won’t ask for help on something until I am completely backed into a corner.

Why are we scared to ask for help?

• It makes us look vulnerable. If you’re the type that likes being looked to as somebody who can get the job done in any situation, you hate asking for help just because you think it makes you look weak.
• It may inconvenience somebody else. Even if they tell you repeatedly that it’s not that big of a deal, you still feel guilty making somebody else compromise their time to bail you out.
• We don’t think we need it. To some degree, we all have that feeling that we can accomplish anything. We’ve been told that since birth (“you can do anything you set your mind to,” right?).

But asking for help isn’t a bad thing. You’ve heard of the phrase, “Work smarter, not harder.” That’s exactly what asking for help means. It means being smart. Anybody who’s had any success in this world understands that there are moments where you just need to ask for help.

Asking for a little help involves checking out a few things in your motives. First, there’s a distinct difference between wanting help and wanting someone to do the work for you. Don’t ask your buddy to come help you work on the car if you are just going to stand next to the car drinking a beer while he works on your transmission. If you want help working on the car, roll up your sleeves and have him assist you in fixing it (and learn something along the way!). It’s like falling down in a race – you don’t want somebody to come pick you up and carry you across the finish line; you just want someone to help get you off the ground so you can start running again. Plus, if you’re truly asking for help, you are demonstrating to those around you (and yourself) that you aren’t running from the problem. You want to tackle it head-on. If you need a little help, that’s okay.

So let’s take a look at some situations where you might want to ask for a little help.

School

Any readers out there still doing homework? Hey, just because I’m not anymore doesn’t mean I don’t have any college readers (or high school readers?). In any case, this is a great time to learn how to ask for help. Usually on TV and in movies, you see getting help with homework involves having a nerd give you answers, or duping the cute girl into dating you. We’re not discussing either of those things here. Make it worth the tutor’s time. Throw some money their way, or buy them something nice in exchange. If you happen to live in some pop culture cliché, you could teach them to be cool. When they are going over things, stop them and ask questions. Any good teacher wants you to ask questions: it shows you are paying attention and you care about the material. Have them explain the concepts behind that algebra problem or the philosophies that our Founding Fathers built on. The more you can inject yourself into the content, the easier this will be on both of you!

Career

Watching somebody try to move up the ladder in an office can be interesting. After all, there are a fair amount of people in the world stuck in their positions, complaining about their bosses, wishing they got more raises, and just reveling in their misery. If you want to get ahead, you need to get on your bosses’ radar. Schedule a sit-down with your boss and instead of asking “Can I get a raise?” or “When will you promote me?”, ask questions like “What can I do to get a raise?” or “What can I do to get me on track for a promotion?” Put it on you. Your boss will appreciate it. After all, it’s not his job to give you a raise – it’s your job to earn it.

Building a business? Talk to people who’ve done it successfully. That’s the biggest point. Offer something in return. Many businesspeople are happy to share ideas and concepts with budding entrepreneurs. They’ve been there!

Marriage/Relationships

This is probably the one that the fewest people ask for help with. Relationships, and particularly marriages, can be strained after long periods of time. Many couples don’t understand that this is a natural thing, and they simply give up. But if you actually want to work at your marriage (you know, that whole “for better or for worse” promise you made), then there’s nothing wrong with getting together and understanding that you need to see somebody. It’s a big step in your marriage, and it doesn’t mean you’re incompatible – it just means you are human and you need to work through some crap. Hopefully, you’re going to a church, so you could approach your pastor about it. Most pastors are trained and educated in counseling, so they’d be great resources for this sort of thing. Even if they can’t, they should know somebody reputable that they can refer you to. Having a strong faith together is a great resource to turn to when things get tough. Also, go into any couples therapy as a team – you aren’t there to fix the other person. You are there to fix the relationship, and that means both of you.

Addiction

Simply put: there’s a lot of crap in this world that your brain can get hooked on. A lot of times, doing it on your own does nothing. Again, to get help, find somebody who’s kicked it successfully. There are plenty of support groups out there that can coach you into getting it done. If you need to look for a reputable specialist, do so. And let go of the shame – the world looks much more favorably on somebody who recognizes his or her addiction and is mature enough to get help. If you’re fighting it, you’ve got respect. There is little compassion for somebody who is too proud to get help and lets it take them down. Don’t be that guy.

Emotional Support

We all need to share our feelings with somebody at times (yup, even us dudes!). The best way to do so is to talk with your significant other – or in absence of one of those, a close friend or family member. But don’t unload on the person. They are not there to dump your troubles on to. Spend some time relating feelings to each other, and then do something together to get your mind off the stress.

If you want to be successful when getting help, the main thing to understand is that it’s going to be hard. There’s no way around that, so face it head-on. Once you approach it like that, nothing can stop you except yourself. Get some help before it’s too late to fix it.