For those who don’t know me personally, I am a freelance writer. I’ve done copywriting for several years now, and I decided, earlier this year, to take the plunge into becoming a full-on marketing firm. As I putzed around for a year, completely in over my head, I manage to get a project here and there. Then it dawns on me: social media marketing.

Blogging. Twitter. Facebook. Everything is going social these days, including marketing. This was a slam dunk! I even managed to get Erik Chopin from season 3 of The Biggest Loser to sign on. This was going to be great!

Uh… wait.

After getting into it for a few months, I realized something: social media can’t be done by a marketing firm. Sure, they can put together campaigns. They can develop iPhone apps and YouTube videos. But the execution and the engagement has to be done by the company. So, as I pull away from the social media marketing flop, here’s a few lessons I’ve learned that we can all use in our real-world relationships.

Don’t be somebody you’re not.

I’m not Erik Chopin. I didn’t lose hundreds of pounds on national television. I’m not a no-B.S. guy from New York City. I’m Tom Meitner, a skinny guy who’s never been on TV and who hails from Milwaukee. The people are going to go to Erik’s website to see Erik, not me.

Are you pretending to be somebody you’re not? I’m a fairly quirky guy, and my friends just have to accept that about me. I don’t try to hide the fact that:

• I think everybody should like the same television shows that I like.
• I’m a Christian man.
• I sometimes eat bread and ketchup as a snack, to the disgust of pretty much everyone.

But that’s me. People accept it. Be true to who you are. Don’t be a ghostwriter for yourself.

Engage people in conversation.

Sometimes, when I’m on the phone with my fiancé, if I’m tired or distracted, she winds up getting the “uh-huh” and “mm-hmm” from me. It becomes clear I’m not paying attention, and she gets mad at me. And for good reason. Social media is a two-way conversation as well. The best bloggers out there respond to emails and comments. They get the most loyalty from readers.

Be a part of the conversation you are in. Don’t just be polite and half-listen. And don’t just talk to people either; ask them about their lives and how their day is going. I guarantee you, it will breed a much stronger relationship. Be pleasant to talk to.

Mix it up.

The people who market the best with social media are involved in different areas: they blog with video, they do audio podcasts, they write, they post pictures. They have different methods of reaching out and interacting with their audiences.

Look closely at your friendships: do they just revolve around going to the bars? Do you only interact with them at work? Do you only approach them when you have nothing else to do? A friendship is based on shared experiences of all kinds: go see a concert or a movie together. Stay in and hang out (is that an oxymoron?). Take a short trip together. Build experiences with people, and they will respond in kind.

Make the other person feel important.

The best blogging tip out there is to write for the audience, not for yourself. Which means, base your posts on what they need to hear, not what you want to say. It makes the reader feel like they are important.

Call up a friend to just say “hi”. Buy or make them a gift. Do a nice gesture for them. That’s how you show true friendship.

Don’t do it for your own personal gain.

Social media is to be used for your passion. It is to be done to connect with your audience. After that, if you want to make money, there are ways to do it. But if you head into it with money being the sole motivation, you will fail. Just like I did.

Don’t just be friends with a coworker to get ahead. Don’t just hang out with the guy that always buys the drinks. Spend time with people you care about; don’t patronize people just to get stuff you want.

I’m sure there are other lessons – can you think of any? Share them in the comments!

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