Yup, I’m engaged. So what does that mean for you?

The average wedding budget is $20,000. My bride-to-be and I don’t have that kind of money. And neither do you, probably. So what do you do? You Google around “how to budget for a wedding” and get a bunch of ideas that you don’t want to do and wind up paying over $15,000 anyway. Well, I made a pact with myself that I would start throwing in a few more personal stories on this blog – stuff you can learn from, though – and this seemed like a good place to start. Let’s set the stage for our wedding plans, and I’ll walk you through it periodically as it happens. Throughout this story, there will be ample opportunities for all of us to share and discuss advice on wedding planning, and ways we can all save a little scratch.

The bride and groom

I was going to put a goofy picture here, but I figured I’d get in trouble. That’s me on the left, and Amanda on the right (to clear up any confusion). We’ve been dating for over a year, and we’re pretty crazy about each other. Dating for over a year has allowed us to get out of that “honeymoon phase” of the relationship and be able to deal with actual relationship problems. We’re adults, and we act like it (most of the time).

The goal, and the problem

Everybody knows what the goal is: a dream wedding. Amanda, like most typical girls, has dreamt of her wedding since she was a little girl. She knows what she wants. Believe it or not, I too am a guy who’s excited about the wedding. I enjoy weddings a lot and while I want it to be nice, I want it to be fun for everybody involved.

The problem here, predictably, lies in the budget. Amanda and I don’t make a whole lot of money, and we have bills to pay in the meantime. Normally, tradition dictates that the parents contribute certain amounts to the wedding. Amanda’s parents are putting kids through school yet, so their budget is very limited. I owe my parents more than what they gave to each of my older brothers for their weddings, so we’re going to split the difference. In essence, other than a few things my fiance’s parents want to contribute to, we are on our own for this thing.

And that’s okay. There’s no sense in getting frustrated or angry about it. We understand that all the parents would love to contribute if they could. A wedding is a big expense, and it’s understandable that they might not be able to. But now that means we need to get creative.

So, what happens after the engagement?

I know a lot of couples that get engaged and then, nothing happens. They sit around, engaged.

Do you know these people?

But when you’re on a budget, you need to know EXACTLY how much money you’re going to have to spend! Amanda and I have been engaged for 10 days, and we’ve already researched a TON of stuff. You know why? Because you have to book all this stuff in advance, and dates can fill up quickly! Heck, some halls we’ve looked at are already booked for next October (which is when we’re getting married). So stop waiting around. You made the decision that you would be getting married. Step up. You’re engaged, so get married already.

Figure out a time of year

Amanda and I didn’t want a summer wedding, because:

A. It’s hot, which means I’ll be miserable (I’m a winter man).

B. Everybody else does it.

That letter B is a big one for anybody. It’s not just a matter of being original. If you go to a hall or a photographer you like, and make demands that they don’t want to do (or at least not for the price you want), they can just go to the next couple that’s having their wedding that day. Summers are packed with weddings, and couples lose strong negotiating power when they go that route. Winter weddings can be dangerous in Wisconsin, so we decided on either a spring wedding or a fall wedding. Because we didn’t want to wait more than a year, we settled on next October.

That’s the first step in determining prices and your game plan. Picking a less popular season will open up pricing for you, and now you know how much time you have to plan. The first question everybody will ask, from cake decorators to churches, is “When is the big day?” Before you do anything, have an answer for that question.

Sign up at TheKnot.com

Everybody knows somebody who planned their wedding using The Knot. I thought it was just for those kinda-corny wedding sites that people put together, but it’s actually a great resource. It not only gives you one place to store all your notes about the wedding, the most impressive and useful feature is their checklist, which guides you through every aspect of wedding planning throughout the year. It helps keep my future bride’s head on straight, which is my goal over the next year.

Decide on what you won’t compromise on

In our wedding, we had a few things:

• Has to be on a Saturday – Fridays couldn’t work because certain bridesmaids have school. Sundays won’t work because we want everyone there good and late.
• Has to be in her church – No destination weddings for us (her decision). No city hall, either.
• Has to have a nice dinner – more on that in a future post.

It’s not a bad list of things, but it does limit a few options, budget-wise. And that’s okay. It’s her dream wedding, and it’s our job to get us there somehow.

Figure out where the money’s coming from

Work out some savings opportunities in your budget. Cut down your bills to the bare minimum. Consider agreeing to give less to each other on birthdays and holidays this year. Work a little freelance work on the side. Find whatever way you can to put together the income you need.

Ask your parents for a guest list draft

Our parents will not be running our wedding, but they do know those obscure Aunt Bertha’s that will be grossly offended if you don’t invite her, despite you not seeing her since you were a baby. You can always pare it down after you get it, but start with everybody and work your way down.

Next time, we’ll talk about getting that reception hall that you want for the big day. Until then…

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