[Note: Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Nonconformity recently held a months-long writing contest. I submitted the following blog post. While it didn’t win, I was very honored to have been mentioned as one of the well-received entrants, according to the judges. So, while I don’t get the mass exposure that comes from having my article appear on Chris’ site, I still have the validation knowing that it was a good, useful article. Here it is.]

Do you know what someone means when they say that something is a “self-fulfilling prophecy”? That means that just talking about an idea will make it come true. For example: there was this girl I dated for two years. Every time I talked about the future, she would mention how scared she was of us breaking up. She didn’t want to make future plans because of her intense fear that we would both be let down eventually. Obviously, if you approach a relationship with an attitude like that, it’s doomed to fail from the get-go. When the chips were down, we broke up. That’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There are a lot of different ways people can fall into self-fulfilling prophecies in their own day-to-day lives and not even realize it. How many times have you heard any of the following?:

• “Oh, I could never cook. I’m terrible at it!”
• “I wish I could start a business, but I couldn’t do it.”
• “I want to lose weight, but I just don’t have the willpower.”
• “Oh, I’ve always wanted to __________, but _________.”

It’s such an easy trap to fall into, isn’t it? But when you say these things, you train your brain to believe them to be truth, even if they aren’t. My favorite is “I suck at life.” That’s a person with a defeatist attitude just giving up on trying to be better. It drives me insane.

There’s a very interesting book on the market right now called The Ultimate Sales Machine by Chet Holmes. Chet is a very experienced and renowned salesman and businessman. What would a book about sales have to do with you? Chapter 12, “All Systems Go”, has the answer. In that chapter, Chet talks about something called the “reticular activating system”, or RAS:

“The reticular activating system is that awesome computer in the brain that most of us never use on purpose. Every day we have thousands of thoughts that seem to leap in and out of our minds. The truth is that those thoughts affect every cell in our body… But when you keep your thoughts focused on all the positive things in your life and the positive things you want to happen in your life, you awaken and purposefully focus your subconscious to create outstanding improvements on every front.”

Basically, he means that if you tell yourself that you can’t do something, you won’t be able to do it. But, if you train your brain to start looking for the solution instead of at the problem, you will start finding opportunities that you wouldn’t have found before.

I was the king of the defeatist attitude as I grew up. My self-esteem was always low, and I second-guessed everything I did. And you know what? I had a hard time creating even minuscule success for myself. As a freelance writer and marketer, I spent the last year of my life approaching business as a kid who worked out of his apartment. That attitude bred little confidence and, as a result, I have struggled to get clients of my own. But once I started looking at my business from the perspective of a professional whose services are needed, doors began to open. Now I am putting together a ten-man sales team for my company, something I never dreamed I would be able to do!

So how do you apply this to your life? Here are the basics behind it:

1. Change that lousy inner monologue of yours! Getting caught in the “I suck at life” attitude will cripple your opportunities. Think of any important life situation: a big date, a job interview, or a presentation you have to give, etc. The best advice is always to be calm and confident. People respond positively when you appear relaxed and sure of what you are saying. The most successful and well-paid people in the world aren’t always the smartest or most brilliant guys in the room. They are average people, just like you. Instead of focusing on your faults, focus on what you are good at.
2. Keep on educating yourself. I hated college. It drove me up the wall. I was tired of learning stuff I felt I would never use. But since I graduated, I’ve read more books and do more reading and research than I ever have in my life. If you want to get better at something, you need to learn as much as you can about it. Want to be better with money? Start reading some personal finance books and blogs. Want to lose weight and be healthier? Immerse yourself in the topic. Want to learn how to cook? There are TONS of recipe books and websites geared to helping newbies learn the basics. The information is out there and readily-available. Take some time and start learning!
3. Celebrate the little successes. Just like any good goal-setting advice, set yourself up for success. A lot of times, when someone sets out to do something new, they just have the end in mind. Then when they don’t reach it quickly enough, they despair and give up. Lay out all the little steps along the way, and recognize when you accomplish one of them. It could be incredibly minor, but it goes a long way in keeping you motivated to continue on the journey.
4. Accept the bumps in the road. No one’s life is perfect. You can’t expect to do anything and have it go perfectly according to plan. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try something. If you make a mistake along the way, sit down and figure out why you made that mistake and what you can learn from it. That can really help you out as you make adjustments and push toward your success.

Making changes like these can be difficult, but just take it one step at a time. The next time you think about something you really want to do, instead of reminding yourself of how hard it is, start consciously telling yourself that you will find a way to do it. You will be surprised at how many doors will start opening.

Do you have any stories of the power of your mind making a difference? Share them with all of us!

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