“So when are you guys getting married?”
I get that question a lot. See, my girlfriend and I have been dating for all of six months as of the writing of this post, so that means that we need to be engaged, right? That seems to be about the point in a relationship where the people around you start raising their expectations of what you should be doing. Don’t you love it when people tell you how to run your life? It doesn’t stop there, either. After you get engaged, you need to get married right away so people leave you alone about it. Once you finally get married, it immediately turns to, “So when are you going to start having kids?” Of course, this part of the cycle repeats itself over and over again until you finally have to force everyone to understand that you’re not having any more kids.
It’s not my intention to vent here. Frankly, I don’t care what other people think of my relationship with my girlfriend. We are in no rush. We want to make sure we’re with the right person here. But how many people succumb to this idea that you need to blast through a relationship at break-neck speed?
I’m almost 24 years old (woo!). I’m at the point in my life where friends and family are starting to “drop off”, as I like to say. Every other day, my girlfriend has news that somebody else is getting married (or having a baby – seems like this is the time of year to get pregnant, apparently). So you start looking around and you think:
Well, I guess I should be settling down too…
There are plenty of Cooler People in the world that are anxious to get married. Many of them are women (sorry, ladies!). But this intense desire to get hitched just leads to rushed engagements between people that barely know each other. What’s the divorce rate in this country? 50%? More? Why do you think?
A relationship needs to build. It needs to have a solid foundation – this is a few months of getting to know each other and what makes each other “tick”. After that, you need a few more months of love. This is the time where you start taking the relationship more seriously. It’s also the point where couples might start bickering.
Fighting is healthy, as long as it doesn’t resort to personal attacks. You need to be able to be honest with your mate and communicate your thoughts openly. That is one of the biggest strong points of a healthy relationship. And you need to fight! Fighting lets you know how the other person handles adversity and hardship. Because relationships are hard. They take work. You aren’t going to wake up every day and just get along and have a good time. When you get married and move in together, it’s a new roommate. Roommates argue occasionally. And as your life grows together, big decisions will have to be made, and compromises will have to be made on both sides as well.
Why are you getting into all of this? How does this go back to your original point?
There are so many variables that go into a successful relationship. Just because you think the other person is sweet or attractive is only going to get you so far, because there will be times when that person may act like a jerk or start getting a little uglier. And if you are moving forward with your relationship just because you think it’s time for you to get married, you’re missing the whole point of love and committing your life to someone else.
The more you know about the person you are with, the better you can handle these variables when they come up. Take the time to build that bond, and work at the relationship as a team. If you don’t, you may not be looking at old wedding photos with your kids on your 25th anniversary.
You may wind up becoming another statistic – just because you felt like you “should” move forward.
Get great, practical advice sent straight to your inbox every week! For more information on The Practical Nerd Rules for Life, click here. Plus, learn how you can get a copy of my FREE ebook!
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
